b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 1 I also got the impression that the girl(nick mushroom or something?) cared
about lots of other things unrelated to the marriage: green card, income,
being/growing up in US, mainstream, etc etc...
I always say "jie2 hun1 bu4 neng2 you3 za2 nian4" after seeing quite some
unseccessful marriages around me these years. Not saying the girl married
just for those factors though... but it'd be better to strip out all those
and only focus on the bare person... just my opinion. | M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 2 Maybe good looking is za nian, and the education he got is za nian, and all
those tangible things are za nian. I really don't know what makes a person
that person now. All I know is, we love a man for the package he is, not for
a part of him, but him as a whole.
However, I did think about what happens if he loses all his money one day,
or if he fails in his career one day, or even if terrible things happens and
he takes away the green card one day... I'd still marry him.
You are right, just it's not easy to tell those things apart, and it's not
easy to see one person as half of him, instead of who he really is.I am
happy I can apply for a green card now. And I am happy he is good with money
and his work.All the things listed are things I read or heard that a lot of
girls care about. However I know that's him, not me. He got all the things,
good for him. I still gotta work my way up, and secure my own career and a
future in case any bad things happen. Marriage could be very unpredictable,
however beautiful it was at the beginning, and however hard we try
individually.
I would say, just follow our hearts. Do anything you want to make you feel
complete and content. 幸福都是殊途同归。 | b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 3 good looking, education, sense of humor, responsibility, family, health,
hobbies, ... these i don't define as "za nian", i second you that they are
what make up a person.
but your so called "package" included a lot more... my "za2 nian4" here
actually only mean green card, income, work, growing up with whtie, can lead
you to US mainstream society and whatsoever which are mentioned in your
original post. And it occurred to me that you seem to weigh them even more
to those what make up a person, if not equal.
I just guessed you might not have married him couldn't he give you green
card right away... just my guess tho, hope i was wrong.
all
for
and
money
【在 M**********o 的大作中提到】
: Maybe good looking is za nian, and the education he got is za nian, and all
: those tangible things are za nian. I really don't know what makes a person
: that person now. All I know is, we love a man for the package he is, not for
: a part of him, but him as a whole.
: However, I did think about what happens if he loses all his money one day,
: or if he fails in his career one day, or even if terrible things happens and
: he takes away the green card one day... I'd still marry him.
: You are right, just it's not easy to tell those things apart, and it's not
: easy to see one person as half of him, instead of who he really is.I am
: happy I can apply for a green card now. And I am happy he is good with money
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 4 I didn't think so much. He proposed and I said yes. We happily planned our
lives together and we are getting very well with each other's family. I
might have taken those "za nian" into consideration unconsciously.Because
they have always been there and I had to take them into consideration. But
I didn't want to mention what I appreciate that made him the one for me -
within your definition of things that are not "Za nian". All the things you
listed are what I admire of him. Just those are something that's in most
people's first consideration and it's not even something you need to talk
about cuz a husband for me is supposed to have a sense of humor, be
responsible, has a healthy family and loves his life and wife. That's my
criteria. The things outside of your range are things I wanted to mention
because those are what a lot of mainland girls were chasing for as their
first considerations, so far as I heard. I am hoping girls over here are
different.
Damn I wish I could give in to you guys' theories and say I did get married
for the green card and his money. But I can't because I know it better. And
it's ok if everyone defines me as a gold digger and a bitch over here cuz
nobody knows me and it's a place to talk any shit I want, but I just can't
lose the grip. Explaining doesn't help me getting there I know, but it's fun
having discussions like this with you I guess :) Hope it helps me to be a
successful lawyer one day.
lead
【在 b*********m 的大作中提到】
: good looking, education, sense of humor, responsibility, family, health,
: hobbies, ... these i don't define as "za nian", i second you that they are
: what make up a person.
: but your so called "package" included a lot more... my "za2 nian4" here
: actually only mean green card, income, work, growing up with whtie, can lead
: you to US mainstream society and whatsoever which are mentioned in your
: original post. And it occurred to me that you seem to weigh them even more
: to those what make up a person, if not equal.
: I just guessed you might not have married him couldn't he give you green
: card right away... just my guess tho, hope i was wrong.
| b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 5 well... no one here ever said you are a b****.... even xiaoxiaoren...
anyway... i wish you well....
but..... to become a lawyer..... i guess you need at least improve your
logical ability before blahblah, and don't give up so easily....
But
you
【在 M**********o 的大作中提到】
: I didn't think so much. He proposed and I said yes. We happily planned our
: lives together and we are getting very well with each other's family. I
: might have taken those "za nian" into consideration unconsciously.Because
: they have always been there and I had to take them into consideration. But
: I didn't want to mention what I appreciate that made him the one for me -
: within your definition of things that are not "Za nian". All the things you
: listed are what I admire of him. Just those are something that's in most
: people's first consideration and it's not even something you need to talk
: about cuz a husband for me is supposed to have a sense of humor, be
: responsible, has a healthy family and loves his life and wife. That's my
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 6 I said "if" before the word "b***h ". Just hypos. Thanks. Logic is a
difficult subject to learn.
【在 b*********m 的大作中提到】
: well... no one here ever said you are a b****.... even xiaoxiaoren...
: anyway... i wish you well....
: but..... to become a lawyer..... i guess you need at least improve your
: logical ability before blahblah, and don't give up so easily....
:
: But
: you
| A**i
发帖数: 4328 | 7 我们村向来是自由的村进步的村开放的村。各人一个活法，人愿嫁谁能嫁谁，是个人自
由，不管嫁给男的还是嫁个女的，都是自由。
我们淳朴的中部人民不要跟新英６州的民主党似的，这样下去，连狗肉都不能吃了....
.. | b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 8 And please also take care of your "integrity" coz i think that's your bottom
line, if you have one.
Saying this coz you said you mentioned those "za nian"(gc, money, etc) in
your original post because:
"those are what a lot of mainland girls were chasing for as their
first considerations, so far as I heard. I am hoping girls over here are
different."
while saying
"怎么能让我一篇文章，毁了全世界国女的名誉！我很少上bbs，突然看到
国男被孤立成这样，而国女被想得那么势利，我很是寒心。"
in another post.
Can you make some comment on this?
【在 M**********o 的大作中提到】
: I said "if" before the word "b***h ". Just hypos. Thanks. Logic is a
: difficult subject to learn.
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 9 Yeah, I heard those about mainland young girls and was pretty sad. Don't
know if i should believe it, just hoping girls over here can resist, because
mainland got a strong society influence obviously.
bottom
【在 b*********m 的大作中提到】
: And please also take care of your "integrity" coz i think that's your bottom
: line, if you have one.
: Saying this coz you said you mentioned those "za nian"(gc, money, etc) in
: your original post because:
: "those are what a lot of mainland girls were chasing for as their
: first considerations, so far as I heard. I am hoping girls over here are
: different."
: while saying
: "怎么能让我一篇文章，毁了全世界国女的名誉！我很少上bbs，突然看到
: 国男被孤立成这样，而国女被想得那么势利，我很是寒心。"
| b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 10 你告诉我说，因为知道国女都很势利世俗，嫁人第一就要看这些条件，你才在自己的恋
爱叙事文里向大家介绍有关你老公的身份，钱，白人世界，主流社会等等，并非是你自
己在乎这些。。。并且希望北美国女不要像国内国女一样。。。（没明白这其中的逻辑）
然后你在回其他人的帖子时候却义愤填膺的说没想到国女被想得如此势利世俗，很是心
寒。。。
你是真不知道自己在自相矛盾吗？
终于可以打中文了，舒服~~
because
【在 M**********o 的大作中提到】
: Yeah, I heard those about mainland young girls and was pretty sad. Don't
: know if i should believe it, just hoping girls over here can resist, because
: mainland got a strong society influence obviously.
:
: bottom
| | | M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 11 我只是听说现在国内女孩很多都这样，我也3年多没回国了，我无法知道真相，但听说
很多人第一就是要有车有房，我是想我出国前还没这样啊，真的这样还真的比较寒啊。
我认为中国人多口杂，社会风气也和美国不一样，很可能这些成为风气确实是真的。美
国可能这种影响小一些，希望还是能保持优良作风吧！ 我说那些我老公的情况，但同
时我注明了自己当时并没有冲这个去，也许正因为我没冲它们去，不重视他们，老公才
重视我吧。我没觉得自相矛盾，可能说出来变了个意思吧。总之，愿望是好的，现实还
是可能不会perfect.表达能力也有问题，我还是少说比较好好像。不知有没有解释清楚
。说不清就没办法啦。
辑）
【在 b*********m 的大作中提到】
: 你告诉我说，因为知道国女都很势利世俗，嫁人第一就要看这些条件，你才在自己的恋
: 爱叙事文里向大家介绍有关你老公的身份，钱，白人世界，主流社会等等，并非是你自
: 己在乎这些。。。并且希望北美国女不要像国内国女一样。。。（没明白这其中的逻辑）
: 然后你在回其他人的帖子时候却义愤填膺的说没想到国女被想得如此势利世俗，很是心
: 寒。。。
: 你是真不知道自己在自相矛盾吗？
: 终于可以打中文了，舒服~~
:
: because
| m******g
发帖数: 3253 | 12 我觉得没必要咬文嚼字的..
小蘑菇..你是好样的..你找到了自己的幸福..祝福你.. | B*********n
发帖数: 2552 | 13 我们会幸福的，谢谢你
：P
【在 m******g 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得没必要咬文嚼字的..
: 小蘑菇..你是好样的..你找到了自己的幸福..祝福你..
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 14 哈哈哈哈哈。。。。。笑死我了！
【在 B*********n 的大作中提到】
: 我们会幸福的，谢谢你
: ：P
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 15 谢谢你！！！
【在 m******g 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得没必要咬文嚼字的..
: 小蘑菇..你是好样的..你找到了自己的幸福..祝福你..
| b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 16 经您提醒还真是。。。今天一天没bug可抓，跑这儿来debug了~
【在 m******g 的大作中提到】
: 我觉得没必要咬文嚼字的..
: 小蘑菇..你是好样的..你找到了自己的幸福..祝福你..
| x*********n
发帖数: 28013 | 17 我早说了，如果卡片和奢侈品是幸福的生活标准，那么追求幸福没有什么不可以。
和穷酸小子一起连cheesecake都吃不起，哪来的幸福？
只是，Define幸福的时候，别误导别人。看看回帖的人吧，都是祝福，赞美，这说明了
什么，说明了大家认同了卡片多金有背景是嫁得好。没人会注意到她耍脾气老公发火那
一段，这是哪门子的幸福，是抱怨还是讲自己懂事懂得让步？
有的时候自己的想法是潜意识的，卡片多金有背景也是普世标准，放在国内怕是更严重
，有的时候我郁闷的不是本人，是不停有人重复这样一个思想，要让所有人知道：我家
了多金有背景，多幸福。
然后小姐妹们羡慕，然后朝着这个方向努力，哈哈哈。 | b*********m
发帖数: 3745 | 18 日常生活磕磕碰碰总是难免的。。相信大家都明白每个人对幸福的定义都不太一样。
因为自己周围的朋友好几个是或多或少考虑了卡片而嫁（但不是只为卡片而嫁），所以
看到了一些才有感触。是其中一个最后跟我总结说“婚姻不能有杂念”。我相信小蘑菇
不是只为卡片而嫁，但是那个因素肯定还是起了作用，她自己也说了，有可能是潜意识
里。。。
其实我发文针对的应该是给没婚的人，不是小蘑菇。现在是祝福她的时候，大家那些祝
福才是正道。但也不能忽略事实，全版一窝蜂的对一个持不同意见并且敢讲出来的人人
身攻击。
这两天太闲了，变得这么啰嗦 :P
【在 x*********n 的大作中提到】
: 我早说了，如果卡片和奢侈品是幸福的生活标准，那么追求幸福没有什么不可以。
: 和穷酸小子一起连cheesecake都吃不起，哪来的幸福？
: 只是，Define幸福的时候，别误导别人。看看回帖的人吧，都是祝福，赞美，这说明了
: 什么，说明了大家认同了卡片多金有背景是嫁得好。没人会注意到她耍脾气老公发火那
: 一段，这是哪门子的幸福，是抱怨还是讲自己懂事懂得让步？
: 有的时候自己的想法是潜意识的，卡片多金有背景也是普世标准，放在国内怕是更严重
: ，有的时候我郁闷的不是本人，是不停有人重复这样一个思想，要让所有人知道：我家
: 了多金有背景，多幸福。
: 然后小姐妹们羡慕，然后朝着这个方向努力，哈哈哈。
| M**********o
发帖数: 192 | 19 你不能要求每个人都跟过特别穷的男人吧。如果对一个人有感觉，我也不会嫌弃他的。
现在你是不是要说我撒谎，我肯定会嫌弃他？你有什么证据说如果我老公是穷人我不会
一如既往地爱他？你是我吗？你了解我吗？
你没谈过恋爱吧，在一起吵个架你就觉得是不幸福了。你见过几个从始至终一架不吵还
幸福长久的？你自己？恋人之间有矛盾是正常的，连一个娘胎里出来的兄妹都会有矛盾
，别说不同环境家庭成长的2个人了。我和老公吵得不多，是互相吼过，但是相爱的人
每次吵都能更加了解对方的想法，也慢慢知道怎么样能不让对方发怒。这样，就越来越
不用吵了，都心平气和的说了。还能互相谅解原谅让步，是爱对方，有感情，感情你知
道是什么么？舍不得，怕分手，怕失去一个人的感情你有过么？你有过你就不会在这儿
说吵架是不幸福，也不会说互相在乎让步，是抱怨。让步是互相的，你以为我撕破了脸
抱着他的腿不放死活要跟他在一起？他也懂得让步，因为他是个聪明男人，他知道一个
女人和男人一样，都是人，都是有尊严有人格的，而矛盾不是一定谁对谁错，只是2个
人多少不同。我什么时候说了多金有背景是幸福的主要或直接原因？你把我原话拿出来
吧请。
我有过一个很穷的男朋友，他在别的城市，没有工作，也是高中毕业就没读了。我去他
那儿看过他，他也来找过我，每次我都花钱给他买东西，吃饭都我付，他是个路痴，我
还天天带他出去又回住的地方。我自己能赚钱，怕什么没钱的男朋友？那个男朋友很单
纯很喜欢我，也很有魅力，所以我跟他在一起了。后来分手了因为太远不能常来往，慢
慢也发现他因为年龄小，涉世未深的关系，很多事情都不会做，都要我教，要我操心照
顾，已经不像男女朋友而像母子关系。当时我出了车祸，工作也发生了一些变故，他却
要一直住在我家要我照顾，不断的迷路，还跟我朋友打电话找我说我和他之间的事情，
我很累也很讨厌跟我的朋友说我私事的男朋友，我就提出分手了。
我告诉你以上的事情，是为了告诉你，不是人都和你想那样。我没有骗你，也没必要编
什么来骗你。虽然是我个人的经历，也过去很久了，本不想再提起。我觉得你不能这么
理解女生，你应该去谈恋爱，感受什么是不幸什么是幸福。我自己一直能赚钱，所以我
从来不在乎对方是否有钱。很多女生有能力会生活的，都自给自足，何必去趋炎附势卖
身给一个卡片一个有钱的不喜欢的男人？
你是男的你想想你会这样追求一个有卡片有钱你不爱的女人吗？大家就算是认同卡片多
金有背景是好，难道它是嫁得坏么？人好又有钱不是很好么？人好没钱只要你们性格合
适也互相珍惜，我能赚钱我为什么不和他一起分享？我什么时候define过幸福。你说的
话请拿出证据。没有证据打官司，你是要输的。
【在 x*********n 的大作中提到】
: 我早说了，如果卡片和奢侈品是幸福的生活标准，那么追求幸福没有什么不可以。
: 和穷酸小子一起连cheesecake都吃不起，哪来的幸福？
: 只是，Define幸福的时候，别误导别人。看看回帖的人吧，都是祝福，赞美，这说明了
: 什么，说明了大家认同了卡片多金有背景是嫁得好。没人会注意到她耍脾气老公发火那
: 一段，这是哪门子的幸福，是抱怨还是讲自己懂事懂得让步？
: 有的时候自己的想法是潜意识的，卡片多金有背景也是普世标准，放在国内怕是更严重
: ，有的时候我郁闷的不是本人，是不停有人重复这样一个思想，要让所有人知道：我家
: 了多金有背景，多幸福。
: 然后小姐妹们羡慕，然后朝着这个方向努力，哈哈哈。
| w**********9
发帖数: 1058 | |
|
