R*N
发帖数: 2173 | 1 http://www.amazon.com/review/R2E1992AEAUA8Z/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?i
2,135 of 2,221 people found the following review helpful
At last, my victory over "good" is complete!, July 10, 2012
By Diablo "The Lord of Terror"
= Fun:
This review is from: Diablo III: Standard Edition (Computer Game)
For the last 15 years, as I served as the constant whipping post for
thousands...nay, MILLIONS of pathetic worms who have plundered my depths and
banished me and my brothers to the soulstones time and time again! NO
LONGER! On May 15 in the year of the Panda, 2012, my plan to claim victory
over the Nine Hells and the High Heavens has come to fruition! Behold, the
chronicle of my journey thus far!
Day 1: Millions of hapless insects gathered with their gold in hand and
their steel drawn as they prepared to storm my doorstep, thinking that I,
the Lord of Terror, would stand idly by as you farmed me for loot. Little
did you suspect that my secret weapon "error 3007" would lay you all low!
Those of you that happened to slip by my net came face to face with my
uberlieutenants-- Lagmodan, The Serverbreaker,and Archbishop Disconnectus.
Day 2-5: See day 1...
Day 6: The delays caused by my impenetrable server defenses allowed me to
fortify the Champions of Hell and overwhelm the puny Nephalem forces when
they finally arrived...such awesome and destructive powers as: Molten QQ,
Plague of Ridiculous Enrage Timers, and Arcane Orbital Repair Bills. To
finalize my triumph, I ensured that any artifacts that my minions were
carrying were at LEAST 5 levels lower and were utterly useless to the would-
be plunderer. Truly the tears of the righteous are as music to my blackened
soul!
Day 7: I rested...
Day 37: I have struck another triumphant blow! I have created a market place
for the Nephalem, which is the only means of obtaining artifacts of any
significant power. However, the true devious nature of this monstrosity is
what makes it so delicious! In order to utilize it, the Nephalem are
required to use a strange currency known as US Dollars, which they cannot
access unless they willingly pay a 30% tithe to the forces of evil!
MUAHAHAHAH! I really intended to slaughter them on day 1 with this device,
but Belial was having trouble getting the Koreans on board with it.
Day 38: Once my demonic auction house of real money was fully operational,
and the sniveling maggots were happily lapping up items of significant power
with which to best my forces...I dropped ANOTHER masterful stroke on them,
claiming yet another victory for Team Hell! I unleashed the Mighty Nerf-alem
Hammer on all treasures under the High Heavens, making them nearly useless.
Many who had spent their precious gold, real and virtual, were now banished
to the Halls of Buyer's Remorse. I used the tears and subsequent blood of
my fallen enemies to fill a bath, and washed myself in the Basin of Greedy
Deception!
Day 45 and counting...: My saga continues to unfold, as many once-hopeful
heroes have abandoned their quest altogether. Perhaps they will have an
easier time slaying pandas soon... Those stalwarts who have chosen to stay,
trapped in my Devilish Hamster Wheel of Doom and cursed to wander the
Malignant Slot Machine of Rmah, do so in the vain hope that "things will get
better." No mortal, they will NOT! Even when you are able to use the
treasure you have purchased against EACH OTHER in Player vs. Player combat (
no, really, it's coming...TRUST me...*evil laugh*), you will still be
subject to my law of Eternal Internet Connection. Only once I've milked
every last dollar and gold piece from these lackeys will I then pull the
plug on the ServerStone forever! Just in time for Heart of the Swarm and
Pandasy Island to be unleashed upon this ripe, unsuspecting world!
Sincerely yours,
Diablo
Lord of Terror
PS. Yesterday, my watchful eye spotted a 59 year old Hardcore Witch Doctor
who was about to celebrate his 60th Season. I unleashed a Latency Storm on
him as he was engaging 3 champion Heralds with "Waller, Plague, Arcane and
Extra Life"...he is now a level 3 HC Monk. O tis fun to be evil! | R*N
发帖数: 2173 | 2 翻译 雪暴君 全文意译
这是在亚马逊暗黑3PC版销售页面里的一则玩家对商品的反馈意见，他以幽默的语气模
仿迪亚波罗的口吻写出了对游戏的种种不满。截至目前，这则评论已经获得了超过1000
个赞。
在过去的15年里，我无数次地遭世人攻击......不仅如此，数以百万计的蛆虫还在
我的禁地里大肆掠夺，一次次地将我和我的兄弟们放逐到灵魂之石中！ 受够了！ 在
2012熊猫之年的5月15日，我要在九层地狱和高阶天堂来实现我的胜利！ 颤抖吧，这就
是我目前实现的伟业！
第1天：数以百万计的倒霉蛆虫聚集起来，他们的怀里揣着金币，手里拿着武器准
备冲进我的家门口，他们以为，我，恐惧之王，会对此袖手旁观，任由他们肆意伐木抢
夺战利品。你们一点儿都没想到我的秘密武器“error 3007”会将你们踏翻在地！而那
些侥幸从我的网下逃生的家伙就将面对我强大的部下们 - 拉格莫丹（Lagmodan），服
务器破坏兽（Serverbreaker）以及掉线大主教（Archbishop Disconnectus）。
第2-5天：每天都是第1天 ...
第6天：我坚不可摧的服务器防御所拖延的时间，让我得以强化地狱的精英怪大军
，在这些可怜的蛆虫终于赶过来时，无情地碾压弱不禁风的涅法雷姆......这些牛逼闪
闪而极具破坏力的力量包括：熔火QQ，荒谬的狂暴计时瘟疫还有奥术强化维修费。 为
了确保我的胜利，我让我的手下们带上了至少降了5个等级的装备，保证它们对掠夺者
毫无帮助。 正义的血泪正是我漆黑灵魂的仙乐！
第7天：我休息了...
第37天：我发动了另一次胜利大作战！ 我给那些涅法雷姆创建了一个市场，这是
唯一获取强大物品的渠道。 然而，这个荒诞之物的真正狡猾之处在于它令人欲罢不能
！ 想要使用它，涅法雷姆必须用到一个名为美刀的奇怪货币，而除非他们愿意把其中
的30％献给邪恶，否则他们就不能使用这个东西！ 木哈哈哈哈哈！ 其实我打算在头一
天就祭出这件大杀器，但是比列这货在把韩国钓上船的时候遇到了些麻烦。
第38天：一旦我的现金恶魔拍卖行全面开始运作，那些哭哭啼啼的蛆虫们就会高高
兴兴的献上包含了我最珍爱力量的东西...我又发动了另一次作战，地狱又一次胜利了
！ 我高高举起了 无坚不摧涅夫雷姆之锤（Mighty Nerf-alem Hammer），把高阶天堂
里的宝物通通砸了个遍，让它们变得垃圾不如。 许多花费了真实和虚拟的宝贵金币的
蛆虫，现在都被流放到我买装备我傻X大厅（ Halls of Buyer's Remorse）里。 我收
集了那些倒下敌人的泪水和鲜血，在我的贪婪与欺骗之池（ Basin of Greedy
Deception）里洗澡！
第45天及以后...：我的传奇将继续展开，许多曾经充满希望的英雄如今已经完全
放弃自己的追求。 也许他们很快就可以轻松惬意地猎杀熊猫人了... 而那些选择留下
来的，将会被困在末日邪恶之仓鼠轮（Devilish Hamster Wheel of Doom）里，徘徊于
现金拍卖行中，徒劳地期望着“情况会变好的”。不，凡人，不会的！ 甚至当你能够
使用买来的装备相互PVP厮杀的时候（不，真的，它会来的......相信我...... *桀桀
桀*），你们仍然要臣服于我的永恒互联网连接（ Eternal Internet Connection）的
规则。 只有在我从蛆虫那里榨尽最后一个美元和金币的时候，我才会把稳定服务器的
开关按下去！对，就是在虫群之心和熊猫人世界放出来，压倒这个无趣毫无惊喜的世界
之后！
你诚挚的，
迪亚波罗
恐惧之王
另： 昨天，我注视着一名59岁的专家巫医准备庆祝他的60岁了。 我赶紧在他遭遇
到3个带着“筑墙，瘟疫，奥术强化和强命”的冠军怪时对他释放了一个延迟风暴.....
.他现在是3级的专家武僧了。 邪恶的感觉真好！
http://bbs.d.163.com/thread-172178974-1-1.html
and
【在 R*N 的大作中提到】
: http://www.amazon.com/review/R2E1992AEAUA8Z/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?i
: 2,135 of 2,221 people found the following review helpful
: At last, my victory over "good" is complete!, July 10, 2012
: By Diablo "The Lord of Terror"
: = Fun:
: This review is from: Diablo III: Standard Edition (Computer Game)
: For the last 15 years, as I served as the constant whipping post for
: thousands...nay, MILLIONS of pathetic worms who have plundered my depths and
: banished me and my brothers to the soulstones time and time again! NO
: LONGER! On May 15 in the year of the Panda, 2012, my plan to claim victory
| A***e
发帖数: 1257 | 3 最后一段笑死了。。
PS. Yesterday, my watchful eye spotted a 59 year old Hardcore Witch Doctor
who was about to celebrate his 60th Season. I unleashed a Latency Storm on
him as he was engaging 3 champion Heralds with "Waller, Plague, Arcane and
Extra Life"...he is now a level 3 HC Monk. O tis fun to be evil!
and
【在 R*N 的大作中提到】
: http://www.amazon.com/review/R2E1992AEAUA8Z/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?i
: 2,135 of 2,221 people found the following review helpful
: At last, my victory over "good" is complete!, July 10, 2012
: By Diablo "The Lord of Terror"
: = Fun:
: This review is from: Diablo III: Standard Edition (Computer Game)
: For the last 15 years, as I served as the constant whipping post for
: thousands...nay, MILLIONS of pathetic worms who have plundered my depths and
: banished me and my brothers to the soulstones time and time again! NO
: LONGER! On May 15 in the year of the Panda, 2012, my plan to claim victory
|
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