o******t
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blankley (blankley) 于 (Sat Feb 6 12:04:34 2010, 美东) 提到:
Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr &
shy;Second Best or a Mr Right Now.
Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough
, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to
commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are
consigning themselves to a lonely future.
"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the
divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-
year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any
of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her
search for the perfect man.
"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get
married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it
in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual
woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's
a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely,
she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a
child)," she writes.
Gottlieb's book is based on an article she wrote in 2008 for the Atlantic
magazine. The piece created such a sensation that it was picked up by Oprah
Winfrey's O magazine and polarised readers. The debate caught the attention
of Warner Independent and Tobey Maguire's Maguire Entertainment, which
bought the book and film rights. Maguire intends to produce the film himself.
Gottlieb blames feminism for the number of women who find themselves alone
after spending years holding out for their white knight. To the outside
world, says Gottlieb, these women still insist they are self-sufficient. "
But in reality, we aren't fish who can do without a bicycle; we're women who
want a traditional family," she writes. "Every woman I know – no matter
how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure –
feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds
herself unmarried."
It is not just feminism that has betrayed women by telling them they could
have it all, said Gottlieb: every book, film and television show that
perpetuates the myth of combining romantic love with a happy-ever-after
ending – from Jane Austen to Friends – has done women a great and
dangerous disservice.
"We're conditioned to crave that Big Love. It's painful how pervasive the
fantasy is that The One is out there," she said. "We grew up idealising
marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard
benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from
uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."
She even claims that settling for Mr Second Best could make women happier in
the long run. "When we're holding out for romantic love, we have the
fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier," she
writes. "But marrying Mr Good Enough might be equally viable,
especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion.
"What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good
romantic relationship. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's a partnership
formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business.
And I mean this in a good way."
But fellow author Elizabeth Gilbert believes that women are wrong to believe
marriage will make them happy. In her new book, Committed: A Sceptic Makes
Peace with Marriage, she writes: "We marry most often because we are in love
and we think it will make us happy. Yet married women are more likely to
suffer from depression than are single women.
"Married women are not as successful in their careers as single women."
She adds: "The fact is women generally lose in the exchange of vows."
女人一旦年过三十，就不要再苦苦寻找Mr. Right了，如果能找到差不多的或者处于现
在进行时的，就该定下来了。
Lori Gottlieb写了一本书，名叫《嫁给他：找个够好的就行了》。这本书下周即将在
英国发售，她认为一个女人如果一定要找到一个能让自己陷入一段深深的浪漫的爱情才
结婚，通常都落得孤独终身的下场。
Gottlieb本人是一个四十岁的单身妈妈，她写道，“坚持寻找真爱的想法已经渗透到了
我们的灵魂（谁知道真爱是啥——看看现在的离婚率），”她在寻找完美男人期间拒绝
了很多“完全可以接受但是不感兴趣”的人，她现在承认很希望自己早就和这样的人定
下来。
她写道，“我的梦想，像我妈妈和她妈妈一样，曾经是坠入爱河、结婚、然后从此过上
幸福快乐的日子。当然，女人到了现在这种时代和年龄不喜欢承认这一点，但是，你问
问任何愿意吐露心声的四十岁的异性恋女人，她们一生中最想要什么，通常她不会说想
要更好的事业、更细的小蛮腰或者更大的房子。最有可能的是，她会说她非常想要个老
公（再说开一点，一个孩子）”。
Gottlieb的书是在她2008年写给《亚特兰大》杂志的一篇文章的基础上写成的。这篇文
章造成了轰动，奥普拉把这篇文章收入到自己的杂志《O》里面，在读者中也造成了两
极分化的讨论。这场讨论引起了华纳独立影业和托比·马圭尔的马圭尔娱乐的注意，他
们买下了这本书的版权和拍成电影的权利。马圭尔想自己制作这部电影。
现在有很多女人经年累月寻找白马王子最后只能独身一人，Gottlieb 为此责备女权主
义者。Gottlieb说，这些女人对外界仍然坚称她们是自我满足的，“但是事实上，我们
不是不需要自行车的鱼，我们是需要一个传统家庭的女人，”她写道，“我认识的每个
女人——不管多成功多有野心，经济上和心理上多么安全——如果到了30岁还没结婚，
都会觉得恐慌，偶尔还会伴随着绝望。”
Gottlieb说，告诉女人她们可以拥有一切，这么背叛她们的不只是女权主义者，每一本
书、每部电影和电视剧——从简·奥斯汀到老友记都表现了浪漫爱情和永远幸福的结尾
组合在一起的神话，而这个神话的永垂不久给女人帮了一个巨大又危险的倒忙。
“我们被决定去追求伟大的爱情。人生中的唯一就在某个地方，这种神话如此普遍，这
令人非常痛苦，”她说，“我们长大了把婚姻理想化了，但是如果我们事先拥有的是对
婚姻那种冷冰冰的、艰难的东西有更现实的理解的话，我们会走上完全不同的道路。结
果我们放弃了哪些让人不太感兴趣的关系，那本来会让我们幸福的。”
她甚至说，找个第二选择结婚从长久来看会让女人更幸福。“当我们坚持寻找浪漫爱情
的时候，我们会有幻觉这种热情和激情会让我们更幸福，”她写道。“但是嫁给一个足
够好的人也是可行的，尤其是你在寻找一生的伴侣的时候。”
“一段好的婚姻并不需要一段浪漫的关系，婚姻并不是激情的聚会，婚姻是合伙运营一
个非常小的、世俗的、通常很乏味又不盈利的公司。我这么说是好意。”
但是作家Elizabeth Gilbert认为女人觉得婚姻会让她们幸福就是错的。在她的新书中
，她写道“我们结婚通常都是因为我们恋爱了，我们觉得结婚会让我们幸福。然而结了
婚的女人比起单身女人来说更容易陷入绝望。”
“已婚女性在职场上没有单身女性那么成功。”
她说：“事实是，在交换誓言的时候女性通常就是输的一方。”
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DevonTalmud (Talmud) 于 (Sat Feb 6 12:11:29 2010, 美东) 提到:
中英对照，非常considerate，谢谢
呼唤摘要
Enough
are
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somedayhere (某一天的回忆) 于 (Sat Feb 6 14:17:24 2010, 美东) 提到:
这篇文写得不错。和我这几天突然意识到的很吻合。不得不说，很多人都被书籍、影片
影响过深，包括我自己（深刻反省中）。我们都忘了，那些书里的故事，原本只是代表
了作者自己的美好愿望。和我相似的理想主义或完美主义者要时刻提醒自己，理想和完
美仅是存在于非常极端状态的。
“women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a
deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.”
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Happysmiler (徜徉在未知旋律的端点) 于 (Sat Feb 6 18:38:53 2010, 美东) 提到:
非常非常有道理
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aurora2082 (aokesai) 于 (Sun Feb 7 03:48:53 2010, 美东) 提到:
好文
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Zhaolanlan (蓝蓝) 于 (Sun Feb 7 11:57:55 2010, 美东) 提到:
恩找一个足够好的
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kerin (zzsr) 于 (Mon Feb 8 02:09:41 2010, 美东) 提到:
结婚有时候不仅是爱情的坟墓，有时候是人生的坟墓
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kerin (zzsr) 于 (Mon Feb 8 02:28:14 2010, 美东) 提到:
不见得，有的男人比较有反抗精神的结婚了不妨碍跟外面乱搞同时进行，比较有想法的
女人也是不爽
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kerin (zzsr) 于 (Mon Feb 8 02:31:00 2010, 美东) 提到:
人只是不完美的进化过程中的一环，不可能有一项社会制度适合所有的人，梦想结婚就
能保证幸福的人只是被自己的单身状态蒙蔽了
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kerin (zzsr) 于 (Mon Feb 8 02:37:43 2010, 美东) 提到:
女人找真爱，就是找一个比自己强的外力（男人）来解决自己生活中的一切难题，跟寻
求宗教信仰是一样的行为 |
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