G****e
发帖数: 11198 | 1 "It’s not worth all that. Keep your diapers on, Little Brother."
"It’s not worth all that. Keep your diapers on, Little Brother."
Dueling Columns: Michigan Daily vs. State News
http://www.michigandaily.com/sports/dueling-columns
By Michael Florek (The Michigan Daily) and Anthony Odoardi (The State News)
On October 13th, 2011
In the week leading up to the Michigan-Michigan State football game each
year, football writers from the Daily and the student newspaper at Michigan
State exchange columns. As the teams prepare to clash in East Lansing, here
’s this year’s installment:
The Michigan Daily's Michael Florek:
Congratulations, Michigan State. You did it.
For the 115 years since you started playing football, you’ve been obsessed
with waging an imaginary battle against Michigan. Your original fight song
included lines of “smash through that line of blue” and “Michigan is
weakening.” Your name as the Spartans came as a direct response to Michigan
being called the “Athens of the Midwest” (Athens and Sparta were rival
city-states in ancient Greece. Wikipedia it. I hear that always works for
class.)
And after beating Michigan a trio of times, during the worst three-year
stretch in program history, you have your rare moment of attention. Hell, if
you ignore Michigan’s edge in the all-time series, 67-31-5, you could even
say Michigan State has turned the tide of the rivalry.
The Wolverine fanbase cares about you marginally more than Notre Dame! Time
to party!
But seriously, here’s the bottom line: The three losses to the Spartans
have derailed Michigan’s seasons. And no one in the class of 2012 wants to
be in the fourth-ever senior class that never beat Michigan State. We care.
The funny thing is, no one else does.
I was at last year’s game. I saw Edwin Baker rush for 149 yards and two
touchdowns. I saw the Spartans celebrating and heard your chants. As I went
home and flipped on the television I caught ESPN between games and expected
the worst. They were airing College Football Live.
There was no talk of a dominant Spartan defense or Baker or Kirk Cousins.
Everything centered on the play of a certain dreadlocked quarterback.
Despite being 11-1 and co-co-Big Ten Champions by the end of the year, those
final BCS standings had you at No. 9, behind two-loss Arkansas and two-loss
Oklahoma.
As your coach tried to drum up support for a bid to a BCS Bowl anyway, few
outside of East Lansing came to his support. Why? Everybody knew the same
thing.
Sometimes Sparty looks like a big boy, sometimes it even plays like a big
boy. But don’t let Sparty get too far away from his diapers. Eventually, it
’s going to crap its pants. When it happens later than usual, like last
season, usually it happens twice. Iowa and Alabama know what I’m talking
about.
Don’t be mad. You’re still Michigan’s second rival, a distant second from
Ohio State — like the distance your defensive backs will be trailing
Denard Robinson — but second nonetheless. You’re No. 2! After the previous
paragraph, that’s especially fitting.
Plus, there are good things that come from the American public’s complete
apathy toward you.
No one cares when your football players start a brawl in the dorm that
causes your coach to create a “zero-tolerance” policy. Or when your
starting cornerback, Chris L. Rucker, who was involved in said brawl, gets a
drunk-driving charge.
Or when said cornerback is released from jail on a Thursday and your coach’
s “zero-tolerance” policy means he can play two days later in the last
major challenge to an undefeated season. Or that the team lost the game
anyway.
Even on Saturday, no one is going to care that your “Pro-combat” threads
look like South Florida and Colorado mixed their uniforms together and then
threw up on them. People will keep their laughter to themselves when you
chant “Go Green! Go White!” even though your uniform is missing one of the
colors.
Embrace this. You need it. The public caring means you would actually have
to live up to expectations. People would look at your schedule and realize
it is just as bad as Michigan’s and realize that the offensive line looks,
well, like a bigger sieve than Drew Palmisano in the Big Chill. They'd be
surprised when you crapped your pants.
It’s not worth all that. Keep your diapers on, Little Brother.
—Florek can be reached at f******[email protected]
The State News' Anthony Odoardi:
What’s more sickening? That Michigan is ranked No. 11 in the country, or
that I offer the newspaper I saw those rankings in as toilet paper for my
apartment? (No, it’s not the Michigan Daily. But if you have any extras, I'
ll take them.)
The AP needs the Red Sox treatment after that one. Clear house. Give those
votes to someone unbiased, who doesn’t believe Michigan should jump seven
places because they beat the Big Ten’s worst team, 58-0.
Big win against Minnesota, huh? Well, I guess if you don’t count their
losses to New Mexico State, North Dakota State and Purdue — another poor
Big Ten team — it’s justified.
But you know what, we’re OK over here in East Lansing. It will just make it
that much sweeter Saturday, when the “Little Sister” chants ring
throughout Spartan Stadium (thanks for that Mike Hart, how’s Eastern
Michigan going for you? And what the hell is a quality control coach?) and
Paul Bunyan look-alike Joel Foreman hoists the trophy for a fourth straight
year.
I know, I know, then we will go drink and party and riot and burn couches
and (insert bad joke here). Your insults remind me of your co-eds: No matter
how hard they try, they still look like Rosie O'Donnell.
You find your jokes about us to be funny and insulting. We just find them
funny.
It’s one of those things where your buddies will go “OOOOOOH, BURNED!”
and then you start to think about it and say, “Wait? They actually party
AND have girls that don’t look like Kelly Osbourne in East Lansing?!”
Still, you Wolverines think you just do it so much better down there in Ann
Arbor.
But I can go on for hours with the routine stuff, how the girls are ugly,
how the team is overrated and how they actually have the audacity to refer
to themselves as “The Harvard of the Midwest,” but I want to get to what
really bothers me about U-M.
I sent out a text to my friends yesterday with one simple request: “Tell me
why you hate Michigan.” And in each one of their responses was the word “
entitlement” (except for one who said "because they wear short shorts.” He
was dead serious, too, but he’s a story for another time).
It’s so true. If you don’t go to U-M, you’re a joke to them, no matter if
it was MSU or any other school in the Big Ten. You’re not serious in
sports, academics, the professional world, anything.
No matter how long the Spartans continue their recent domination of the
series, MSU will never be considered a rival by you self-entitled students,
alumni and people who once watched the Wolverines on TV and became fans.
The Big House had its first game under the lights. The students felt they
were entitled to parade around the streets of Ann Arbor as though no team
had ever played a night game before.
Or how about Denard Robinson? That guy is entitled to a Heisman Trophy. He
might have the most interceptions (9) in the NCAA, but that guy is the “
best player in the league.”
He might be exciting, but I’ll stick with a guy like Kirk Cousins, one
whose twitter hacking might go a little more like “Hi. Yes, I hacked you
lol. You are the nicest person I have ever met in my entire life! Your
beautiful eyes and pearly white teeth make me wish we were in a relationship
!”
Athletes such as Cousins, as well as coaches such as Mark Dantonio, Tom Izzo
, Suzy Merchant — and even coaches of the smaller sports like Tom Saxton
and Cathy George — are leading the charge to repaint this state green.
So MSU fans, feel free to invite your U-M friends over Saturday (maybe ask
them to bring some Big Ten Burrito because that place is delicious), give
them a seat on the couch and let them watch the game with you because the
only thing they’re entitled to this weekend is a fourth straight
embarrassment.
And eventually, they’ll recognize who their real rivals are.
—Odoardi can be reached at o******[email protected] | s******3
发帖数: 7297 | | G****e
发帖数: 11198 | 3
这还不算。跟OSU之间的dueling columns,更过分。
【在 s******3 的大作中提到】
: that's just too mean
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