j******3
发帖数: 18319 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Piebridge 讨论区 】
发信人: hasqure (晚上10之后也不上网了，睡觉), 信区: Piebridge
标 题: 今天的nytimes有篇好文章
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Jan 12 19:55:34 2012, 美东)
是讲人生怎样才能活得不后悔。这样的文章不看肯定后悔
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/health/elderly-experts-share-
Advice From Life’s Graying Edge on Finishing With No Regrets
By JANE E. BRODY
Published: January 9, 2012
At 17, I wrote a speech titled, “When You Come to the End of Your Days,
Will You Be Able to Write Your Own Epitaph?” It reflected the approach to
life I adopted after my mother’s untimely death from cancer at age 49. I
chose to live each day as if it could be my last — but with a watchful eye
on the future in case it wasn’t.
Enlarge This Image
Yvetta Fedorova
Well
Tell us what you’ve learned about life in the course of living it.
.
Go to Well ?
Multimedia
Interactive Feature
The Lessons of Life
.
Related
Questions for Your Own Circle of Experts (January 10, 2012)
My goal was, and still is, to die without regrets.
For more than 50 years, this course has served me well, including my
decision to become a science journalist instead of pursuing what had
promised to be a more lucrative and prestigious, but probably less enjoyable
, career as a biochemist. I find joy each day in mundane things too often
overlooked: sunrises and sunsets, an insect on a flower, crows chasing a
hawk, a majestic tree, a child at play, an act of kindness toward a stranger
.
Eventually, most of us learn valuable lessons about how to conduct a
successful and satisfying life. But for far too many people, the learning
comes too late to help them avoid painful mistakes and decades of wasted
time and effort.
In recent years, for example, many talented young people have denied their
true passions, choosing instead to pursue careers that promise fast and big
monetary gains. High rates of divorce speak to an impulsiveness to marry and
a tenuous commitment to vows of “till death do us part.”
Parents undermine children’s self-confidence and self-esteem by punishing
them physically or pushing them down paths, both academic and athletic, that
they are ill equipped to follow. And myriad prescriptions for
antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs reflect a widespread tendency to
sweat the small stuff, a failure to recognize time-honored sources of
happiness, and a reliance on material acquisitions that provide only
temporary pleasure.
Enter an invaluable source of help, if anyone is willing to listen while
there is still time to take corrective action. It is a new book called “30
Lessons for Living” (Hudson Street Press) that offers practical advice from
more than 1,000 older Americans from different economic, educational and
occupational strata who were interviewed as part of the ongoing Cornell
Legacy Project.
Its author, Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at the College
of Human Ecology at Cornell and a gerontologist at the Weill Cornell Medical
College, calls his subjects “the experts,” and their advice is based on
what they did right and wrong in their long lives. Many of the interviews
can be viewed at legacyproject.human.cornell.edu.
Here is a summary of their most salient thoughts.
ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to
result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic
values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples
together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to
communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the
institution of marriage as well as to each other.
An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her
young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service
said, “Too many young people now are giving up too early, too soon.”
ON CAREERS Not one person in a thousand said that happiness accrued from
working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want. Rather,
the near-universal view was summed up by an 83-year-old former athlete who
worked for decades as an athletic coach and recruiter: “The most important
thing is to be involved in a profession that you absolutely love, and that
you look forward to going to work to every day.”
Although it can take a while to land that ideal job, you should not give up
looking for one that makes you happy. Meanwhile, if you’re stuck in a bad
job, try to make the most of it until you can move on. And keep in mind that
a promotion may be flattering and lucrative but not worth it if it takes
you away from what you most enjoy doing.
ON PARENTING The demands of modern life often have a negative effect on
family life, especially when economic pursuits limit the time parents spend
with their children. Most important, the elders said, is to spend more time
with your children, even if you must sacrifice to do so.
Share in their activities, and do things with them that interest them. Time
spent together enables parents to detect budding problems and instill
important values.
While it’s normal to prefer one child over others, it is critical not to
make comparisons and show favoritism. Discipline is important when needed,
but physical punishment is rarely effective and can result in children who
are aggressive and antisocial.
ON AGING “Embrace it. Don’t fight it. Growing older is both an attitude
and a process,” an 80-year-old man said. The experts’ advice to the young:
“Don’t waste your time worrying about getting old.”
Well
Tell us what you’ve learned about life in the course of living it.
.
Go to Well ?
Multimedia
Interactive Feature
The Lessons of Life
.
Related
Questions for Your Own Circle of Experts (January 10, 2012)
Most found that old age vastly exceeded their expectations. Even those with
serious chronic illnesses enjoyed a sense of calm and contentment. A 92-year
-old who can no longer do many of the things she once enjoyed said: “I
think I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. Things that were
important to me are no longer important, or not as important.”
Another said, “Each decade, each age, has opportunities that weren’t
actually there in the previous time.”
Maintain social contacts. Avoid becoming isolated. When an invitation is
issued, say yes. Take steps to stay engaged, and take advantage of
opportunities to learn new things. Although many were initially reluctant,
those who moved to a senior living community found more freedom to enjoy
activities and relationships than they had before.
To those who worry about dying, these men and women said the best antidote
is to plan for it: Get things organized, let others know your wishes, tidy
up to minimize the burden on your heirs.
ON REGRETS “Always be honest” was the elders’ advice to avoid late-in-
life remorse. Take advantage of opportunities and embrace new challenges.
And travel more when you’re young rather than wait until the children are
grown or you are retired.
As Dr. Pillemer summarized the elders’ view, “Travel is so rewarding that
it should take precedence over other things younger people spend money on.”
Create a bucket list now and start whittling it down.
ON HAPPINESS Almost to a person, the elders viewed happiness as a choice,
not the result of how life treats you.
A 75-year-old man said, “You are not responsible for all the things that
happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your
reactions to them.” An 84-year-old said, “Adopt a policy of being joyful.
”
The 90-year-old daughter of divorced parents who had lived a hardscrabble
life said, “I learned to be grateful for what I have, and no longer bemoan
what I don’t have or can’t do.”
Even if their lives were nine decades long, the elders saw life as too short
to waste on pessimism, boredom and disillusionment. | j*a
发帖数: 14423 | 2 阅
【在 j******3 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Piebridge 讨论区 】
: 发信人: hasqure (晚上10之后也不上网了，睡觉), 信区: Piebridge
: 标 题: 今天的nytimes有篇好文章
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Jan 12 19:55:34 2012, 美东)
: 是讲人生怎样才能活得不后悔。这样的文章不看肯定后悔
: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/health/elderly-experts-share-
: Advice From Life’s Graying Edge on Finishing With No Regrets
: By JANE E. BRODY
: Published: January 9, 2012
: At 17, I wrote a speech titled, “When You Come to the End of Your Days,
| j******3
发帖数: 18319 | 3 有何感想？
【在 j*a 的大作中提到】
: 阅
| j*a
发帖数: 14423 | 4 不咋样
【在 j******3 的大作中提到】
: 有何感想？
| j******3
发帖数: 18319 | 5 "ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to
result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic
values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples
together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to
communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the
institution of marriage as well as to each other.
An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her
young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service
said, “Too many young people now are giving up too early, too soon.”
"
【在 j*a 的大作中提到】
: 不咋样
| d*******n
发帖数: 4913 | | j*a
发帖数: 14423 | 7 牛肉快来
【在 d*******n 的大作中提到】
: FXXK HSBC
| m****s
发帖数: 8992 | 8 I totally agree
Totally
Totally
Good luck to you and me!!!
her
【在 j******3 的大作中提到】
: "ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to
: result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic
: values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples
: together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to
: communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the
: institution of marriage as well as to each other.
: An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her
: young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service
: said, “Too many young people now are giving up too early, too soon.”
: "
| c********e
发帖数: 6158 | 9 ON HAPPINESS!!! everyone!
【在 j******3 的大作中提到】
: "ON MARRIAGE A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to
: result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic
: values and goals. Although romantic love initially brings most couples
: together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to
: communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the
: institution of marriage as well as to each other.
: An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her
: young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service
: said, “Too many young people now are giving up too early, too soon.”
: "
| a*o
发帖数: 25262 | 10 It shows retired people are happier than working people again....hehe.. | m****s
发帖数: 8992 | 11 Retired senior citizens live in a community
They have tons of time at hand and not much obligations
Don't have to work or think much
Especially the women they easily lost track of time or their men
So the men goof around and pretty much screw any pussy around
All happy consensual sex
And fuck ! Nobody even knows.
Talkdirty can do real well there
The guy should skip working and go directly into retirement
Happier than working for sure
【在 a*o 的大作中提到】
: It shows retired people are happier than working people again....hehe..
| c*****l
发帖数: 5203 | | P*******t
发帖数: 332 | 13 That's some life wisdom in there. |
|
