s****y 发帖数: 1574 | 1 Summary: Chinese American kids who have been sent back to live with kin/
relatives abroad came back with severe trauma and exhibit symptom similar to
those of Autism.Their mental and developmental issues were caused by
repeatedly disrupted attachments to family members.Many of the kids
recovered after bonding workshops or intensive therapy.
Link to full article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/24/nyregion/24chinese.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
######################################
Chinese-American Children Sent to Live With Kin Abroad Face a Tough Return
Librado Romero/The New York Times
Winnie Liu’s son Gordon, 7, with his brother Kyle, 4, had developmental
problems after living temporarily with his grandparents in China.
Gordon, 3, would not look his parents in the eyes, and refused to call them
Mom and Dad. He erupted in tantrums and sometimes cried nonstop for half an
hour.
“We did not know why,” said his mother, Winnie Liu, recalling the
desperation that sent them to a neurologist to check Gordon for autism, and
to a hospital that referred them to Butterflies, a mental health program for
very young children on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.
Finally they learned the reason for their child’s distress — and the
reason social service agencies that help families from China are facing a
sharp rise in such developmental problems.
Like thousands of other Chinese immigrants responding to financial and
cultural pressures, Ms. Liu and her husband, Tim Fang, had sent Gordon to
live with his grandparents, thousands of miles away in Fujian Province, a
few months after his birth in New York. Working long hours in the restaurant
business, they had not brought him back to the United States until he was
old enough to attend all-day public preschool.
And now he saw them as strangers who had stolen him away to a strange land.
“The children that have that experience come back with tremendous needs,”
said Nina Piros, director of early childhood programs at University
Settlement, a nonprofit agency that estimates that 400 of the 1,000 children
served by its Butterflies program are returnees from China. “They come
here and they’re totally traumatized.”
Some act out in frightening and confusing ways, she said, banging their
heads on walls, refusing to speak, or wandering aimlessly in the classroom.
These signs of extreme trauma have often been misunderstood as symptoms of
autism. But they are the marks of the emotional dislocations these young
children have endured.
Less severely affected youngsters are helped through supportive workshops
for their teachers and parents. But about two dozen in the Butterflies
program need the kind of intensive therapy that eventually helped Gordon and
his parents bond, said Andrea D. Bennett, director of Butterflies, which
was started three years ago with money from the City Council.
The phenomenon of American-born children who spend their infancy in China
has been known for years to social workers, who say it is widespread and
worrying. About 8,000 Chinese-born women gave birth in New York last year,
so the number of children at risk is substantial, according to the Chinese-
American Planning Council, a social service agency that hopes to get a grant
to educate parents about the pitfalls of the practice and help them find
alternatives.
But no one tracks the numbers, and the issue has only recently seized the
attention of early-childhood researchers like Yvonne Bohr, a clinical
psychologist at York University in Toronto, who calls such children “
satellite babies.”
Their repeatedly disrupted attachments to family members “could potentially
add up to a mental health crisis for some immigrant communities,” Dr. Bohr
wrote in an article in May in The Infant Mental Health Journal. She cited
classic research like the work of Anna Freud, who found that young children
evacuated during the London blitz were so damaged by separation from their
parents that they would have been better off at home, in danger of falling
bombs.
Dr. Bohr, who is undertaking a longitudinal study of families with satellite
babies, cautions that the older research was shaped by Western values and
expectations. Chinese parents, including university-educated professionals
she has studied, are often influenced by cultural traditions: an emphasis on
self-sacrifice for the good of the family, a belief that grandparents are
the best caretakers, and a desire to ground children in their heritage.
Sending babies back to grandparents is also done in some South Asian
communities, she said.
But Amanda Peck, a spokeswoman for University Settlement, which has been
serving newcomers to the Lower East Side since 1886, said that while family
separations are a feature of migration in many ethnic groups, the satellite-
baby phenomenon seems rare outside the Chinese community.
Some children are better able to adapt, whether because of natural
resilience, more supportive parenting or the age at which disruptions
occurred. Even in severe cases like Gordon’s, the Butterflies program has
had success in overcoming the worst consequences of separation with
therapeutic play and support for parent and child, said Victoria Chiu, its
bilingual therapist.
But for many children, new separations are in store even after they return
to the United States. In one typical case, parents migrated to work in a
Chinese restaurant in South Carolina, taking a school-age child along, but
leaving a baby in China and a 3-year-old with grandparents in New York.
“The 3-year-old, he wouldn’t even smile,” Ms. Chiu said. “When he sat in
circle time, his whole little body was just slumped.”
Gordon, now 7, keeps up with his second-grade classmates and has learned to
control his temper, said his parents, who own Wild Ginger, a restaurant on
Broome Street. In imperfect but fluent English, his mother recounted the
hard climb to that happy resolution, and revisited the scene of major
turning points: a tiny playroom under the eaves of the old settlement house,
where a dollhouse and a big plush dog played a role in healing her son.
Dressed as a superhero, Gordon would often rescue the dog from a pretend
fire in the dollhouse, saving him from “the bad guys,” as Ms. Chiu and his
mother played along.
“I was the bad lady,” Gordon’s mother, 31, recalled ruefully. “Then the
play changed, and he tried to save Mom from the bad guy.”
The therapist explained: “He was trying to find mastery over things he had
no control over. We started introducing scenarios to help him develop trust
in his parents’ authority over his life.”
Ms. Liu, who was 17 when she immigrated to New York on a green card
sponsored by her father, pressed a hand to her heart. “This wonderful
therapist, this program, help us read the child’s mind,” she said. “Now
he hug me, and he say ‘Mommy’ sometimes.”
Still, Gordon remains more withdrawn than typical 7-year-olds. Ms. Liu said
she struggles with guilt and regret.
“I advise all Chinese families, do not send your kids away, no matter how
hard, because that loss cannot be made up,” she said. “Money is not so
important. Nothing can make up for the sensation of love between parents and
children.”
The shuttling of babies first caught public attention in New York a decade
ago, when women workers from Fujian Province, deep in debt to the “
snakeheads” who had smuggled them into the country, had little choice but
to send their infants back to their extended families.
Typically, such children returned at school age. Their tough adjustment to
the change in language, customs and parental discipline was generally
likened to the problems of other immigrant children, who must often cope
with long-delayed reunions after being left behind for years.
Now, however, because of the expansion of free full-day preschool in recent
years, satellite babies return and start classes as young as 2 years, 9
months.
Their parents, including many lawful permanent residents and citizens like
Gordon’s mother, assume that the children will adjust more easily because
they are so young. But early childhood is the crucial time for learning to
form attachments and feel empathy, and serious disruptions carry lifelong
consequences, psychologists say, including higher rates of depression and
dysfunction.
Many families are unaware of the potential psychological damage, said Hong
Shing Lee, chief operating officer of the Asian-American Federation of New
York.
That was the case for the family of Alisa Chen, now 4. Alisa was 6 months
old when her mother, Qiao Yuni Chen, a waitress unable to afford day care,
took her to her grandmother in China. When Mrs. Chen returned more than a
year later to visit — and to leave Alisa’s baby sister, Angie — she was
heartbroken by Alisa’s rejection. Only in the last two weeks of a three-
month stay was Alisa willing to sleep at her mother’s side.
Alisa started preschool at University Settlement in August, only a week
after arriving in New York; two months later, teachers referred her to
Butterflies.
“She seemed kind of lost, not picking up English, withdrawing from her
peers,” Ms. Chiu recalled. “She seemed anxious that her mom wouldn’t pick
her up.” Another problem was the mother’s expectations: The only toy in
their home was a letter board more appropriate for a 6-year-old than for a
child turning 4.
Mrs. Chen, whose husband is now in the Army in South Carolina, threw herself
into becoming a more supportive parent, Ms. Chiu said. Though she spoke
little English, she phonetically memorized songs like “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”
At a 99-cent store, the therapist helped her pick playthings that would
allow her daughter to express herself.
The payoff was obvious when the preschooler returned from a class trip to
the Bronx Zoo one recent afternoon. Pigtails bouncing, her smile electric
with joy, Alisa threw herself into her mother’s arms. Ms. Chiu beamed.
Next month, Alisa’s little sister arrives from China to begin Head Start. | s****y 发帖数: 1574 | 2 I remember reading this article several years ago. The kids who were born in
U.S. but were sent to live with relatives abroad are called "the satellite-
baby". According to researchers, "the phenomenon of Satellite-baby seems
rare outside the Chinese community."
To "redleaves": This is a MUST READ for your family. It may also help to
save and bring a copy of this article to the therapist. | s****y 发帖数: 1574 | 3 可以打中文了,把这篇New York times文章顶上来。请准备把宝宝送回中国给老人带的
网友三思。
当然我也理解有些人是真的有困难不得不送回去,那么这篇文章所做出的提醒(
potential short-term and long-term psychological damage)、以及一些弥补的方法
(e.g. being more supportive, working on the bonding between parents and
children, choosing toys which help the kids to express themselves, etc)都是
值得参考的。 | j*******a 发帖数: 5283 | 4 这篇文章我也印象很深刻,因为当时老二在国内呆了半年(4-10个月),读得我触目惊
心的。
to
【在 s****y 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : Summary: Chinese American kids who have been sent back to live with kin/ : relatives abroad came back with severe trauma and exhibit symptom similar to : those of Autism.Their mental and developmental issues were caused by : repeatedly disrupted attachments to family members.Many of the kids : recovered after bonding workshops or intensive therapy. : Link to full article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/24/nyregion/24chinese.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 : ###################################### : Chinese-American Children Sent to Live With Kin Abroad Face a Tough Return : Librado Romero/The New York Times : Winnie Liu’s son Gordon, 7, with his brother Kyle, 4, had developmental
| S****p 发帖数: 3928 | 5 很多父母觉得小朋友不停换环境,哭一下,闹一下,是正常的。长大都不记得。 | b**s 发帖数: 908 | | x*****i 发帖数: 4035 | 7 顶一个。本文应该收到精华区
头一次看到satellite baby这种说法,还挺形象的。
to
【在 s****y 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : Summary: Chinese American kids who have been sent back to live with kin/ : relatives abroad came back with severe trauma and exhibit symptom similar to : those of Autism.Their mental and developmental issues were caused by : repeatedly disrupted attachments to family members.Many of the kids : recovered after bonding workshops or intensive therapy. : Link to full article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/24/nyregion/24chinese.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 : ###################################### : Chinese-American Children Sent to Live With Kin Abroad Face a Tough Return : Librado Romero/The New York Times : Winnie Liu’s son Gordon, 7, with his brother Kyle, 4, had developmental
| X****r 发帖数: 3557 | 8 的确不是每个孩子都会有那样严重的问题,孩子本身就差别很大。
【在 S****p 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 很多父母觉得小朋友不停换环境,哭一下,闹一下,是正常的。长大都不记得。
| r*****l 发帖数: 354 | 9 同意孩子本身就差别很大
我有一个同事,孩子送回去一年多,3岁接回来。在公司聚会上见到,当时刚回来一个
月,看上去和父母还是很亲的,在外面也很有礼貌。 | l******a 发帖数: 16364 | 10 也和带的长辈关系很大。
【在 r*****l 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 同意孩子本身就差别很大 : 我有一个同事,孩子送回去一年多,3岁接回来。在公司聚会上见到,当时刚回来一个 : 月,看上去和父母还是很亲的,在外面也很有礼貌。
| | | n********h 发帖数: 13135 | 11 有啥丢人的。美国人好吃懒做,吃福利的多得是。人家送孩子回家,好歹是托自己的亲
人照看。美国那些四肢健全吃福利的,可以用的是纳税人的钱。美国一边儿要压榨移民
,一边又在签证上做梗。要是老人能到美国来帮忙,哪还有那末多人把孩子往回送。
【在 b**s 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 真丢人现眼啊。这都成label了。
| g****n 发帖数: 8093 | 12 我现在看到美国的关于中国的报道,总要抱几分怀疑。同样的问题,如果不是发生在中
国人身上,他们的态度和观点很可能完全不同。虽然我本人是反对也不会把孩子送回国
去带的,但是就我身边的把孩子送回国再接来的例子看,没有这些问题。如上面各位提
到的,怎样的老人在带孩子,也在很大程度上决定着孩子会不会有这些严重的问题。 | b**s 发帖数: 908 | 13 这说的福建偷渡把孩子送回去,一送几年。结果成了American Chinese的荣誉了。就比
如你没吃福利,你族群里有人吃福利,结果成了族群标签了,你不觉得丢人?
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 有啥丢人的。美国人好吃懒做,吃福利的多得是。人家送孩子回家,好歹是托自己的亲 : 人照看。美国那些四肢健全吃福利的,可以用的是纳税人的钱。美国一边儿要压榨移民 : ,一边又在签证上做梗。要是老人能到美国来帮忙,哪还有那末多人把孩子往回送。
| j*******a 发帖数: 5283 | 14 这种说的本来就是risk而已。没有说每个孩子都会这样。
【在 g****n 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 我现在看到美国的关于中国的报道,总要抱几分怀疑。同样的问题,如果不是发生在中 : 国人身上,他们的态度和观点很可能完全不同。虽然我本人是反对也不会把孩子送回国 : 去带的,但是就我身边的把孩子送回国再接来的例子看,没有这些问题。如上面各位提 : 到的,怎样的老人在带孩子,也在很大程度上决定着孩子会不会有这些严重的问题。
| x*********4 发帖数: 72 | 15 四肢健全的人,吃纳税人血汗可耻,吃父母亲戚的血汗就不可耻了吗?他们的时间精力
一样被你无条件的吃掉了
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 有啥丢人的。美国人好吃懒做,吃福利的多得是。人家送孩子回家,好歹是托自己的亲 : 人照看。美国那些四肢健全吃福利的,可以用的是纳税人的钱。美国一边儿要压榨移民 : ,一边又在签证上做梗。要是老人能到美国来帮忙,哪还有那末多人把孩子往回送。
| n********h 发帖数: 13135 | 16 "吃父母亲戚的血汗就不可耻了吗?他们的时间精力一样被你无条件的吃掉了"
啥叫吃父母亲戚的血汗,你要是送孩子去幼儿园,请保姆带孩子,你也是吃幼儿园和保
姆的血汗和精力? 你不是一样把幼儿园老师和保姆的时间精力吃掉了?父母有一个不
能在家带孩子,找人帮带孩子,不是很正常吗? 中国人很多父母因为被签证刁难,来
不了美国,只能把孩子送回去,有啥可耻的?
【在 x*********4 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 四肢健全的人,吃纳税人血汗可耻,吃父母亲戚的血汗就不可耻了吗?他们的时间精力 : 一样被你无条件的吃掉了
| n********h 发帖数: 13135 | 17 没这些福建偷渡的,你今天能来美国。这些移民,早期受尽歧视,在极其困难的情况下
坚持,辛劳工作,才能让中国人在世界各个地方被接受,落户,后面的人才能来读书,
工作,用体面地方法出来。没这些移民,你现在来美国只能靠做猪仔。
【在 b**s 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 这说的福建偷渡把孩子送回去,一送几年。结果成了American Chinese的荣誉了。就比 : 如你没吃福利,你族群里有人吃福利,结果成了族群标签了,你不觉得丢人?
| s***l 发帖数: 2236 | 18 这个说法貌似完全没有逻辑啊
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 没这些福建偷渡的,你今天能来美国。这些移民,早期受尽歧视,在极其困难的情况下 : 坚持,辛劳工作,才能让中国人在世界各个地方被接受,落户,后面的人才能来读书, : 工作,用体面地方法出来。没这些移民,你现在来美国只能靠做猪仔。
| h*********e 发帖数: 6997 | 19 关于送孩子回国可耻不可耻这个话题我还是老观点:只有从来没让父母亲友帮过忙的人
才有资格站在至高点上指责送回去的,如果父母来美国帮着带过孩子,就没这个资格。
好多父母来美国帮自己带过孩子的人经常指责把孩子送回国的人,其实是百步笑百步,
这些人还顶个所谓自己带孩子的假光环,还虚伪。更有的还因为父母来还申请减税,便
宜占尽,更令人反感。
【在 x*********4 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 四肢健全的人,吃纳税人血汗可耻,吃父母亲戚的血汗就不可耻了吗?他们的时间精力 : 一样被你无条件的吃掉了
| a******7 发帖数: 7936 | 20 一定要老人帮忙带孩子么?
你观念有问题
★ 发自iPhone App: ChineseWeb 7.8
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 没这些福建偷渡的,你今天能来美国。这些移民,早期受尽歧视,在极其困难的情况下 : 坚持,辛劳工作,才能让中国人在世界各个地方被接受,落户,后面的人才能来读书, : 工作,用体面地方法出来。没这些移民,你现在来美国只能靠做猪仔。
| | | D*****e 发帖数: 761 | 21 有些人就是自恨,拦不住的。
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 有啥丢人的。美国人好吃懒做,吃福利的多得是。人家送孩子回家,好歹是托自己的亲 : 人照看。美国那些四肢健全吃福利的,可以用的是纳税人的钱。美国一边儿要压榨移民 : ,一边又在签证上做梗。要是老人能到美国来帮忙,哪还有那末多人把孩子往回送。
| x*********4 发帖数: 72 | 22 我没看错吧,我在吃幼儿园老师的时间精力~~~~~~
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : "吃父母亲戚的血汗就不可耻了吗?他们的时间精力一样被你无条件的吃掉了" : 啥叫吃父母亲戚的血汗,你要是送孩子去幼儿园,请保姆带孩子,你也是吃幼儿园和保 : 姆的血汗和精力? 你不是一样把幼儿园老师和保姆的时间精力吃掉了?父母有一个不 : 能在家带孩子,找人帮带孩子,不是很正常吗? 中国人很多父母因为被签证刁难,来 : 不了美国,只能把孩子送回去,有啥可耻的?
| x*********4 发帖数: 72 | 23 你搞错了,我能在这里平等的工作学习,和黑人的关系要远远大于和福建移民的关系
再说了,感谢早期移民的方式就是像照搬他们的生活方式吗?你的祖先刀耕火种呢,你
学吗
【在 n********h 的大作中提到】![](/moin_static193/solenoid/img/up.png) : 没这些福建偷渡的,你今天能来美国。这些移民,早期受尽歧视,在极其困难的情况下 : 坚持,辛劳工作,才能让中国人在世界各个地方被接受,落户,后面的人才能来读书, : 工作,用体面地方法出来。没这些移民,你现在来美国只能靠做猪仔。
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