i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Faculty 讨论区 】
发信人: MHP (马后炮), 信区: Faculty
标 题: 关于负面情绪，恰巧收到这个信
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Mar 22 09:46:25 2015, 美东)
Monday, March 23, 2015
Responding to Rejection
Dear XXX，
Maybe it's just the rhythms of the semester, but many of you seem to be down
in the dumps. I've been hearing from lots of people who are frustrated by
cranky colleagues' comments, demoralized by rejected manuscripts and grant
proposals, and tired of students' unending complaints. With so much
negativity in our work environments, I'm going to focus this week on Common
Mistake #11: Internalizing Rejection and Negativity.
Academic Life is FULL of Rejection, Negativity, and Haters
One of the greatest difficulties of academic life is that there is a
seemingly endless stream of negative information and devaluation, while
positive experiences are few and far between. By this time of the academic
year, you have probably received a wide range of negativity from colleagues,
students, external reviewers, publishers, granting agencies, and random
haters. This is perfectly normal and, quite frankly, some of it is part of
the research, teaching, and professional growth process. But that doesn't
mean it feels good! While most of us can handle a certain amount of
frustration, rejection and disappointment, it's the cumulative effect of
this negativity that can lead to exhaustion, paralysis, and/or depression.
The problem occurs when we internalize the negativity and allow rejection to
impact our sense of our own intellectual capacity, self-worth, and
enjoyment of our work.
Responding to Rejection and Negativity
There will always be some negativity in your environment, rejection of your
manuscripts and grant proposals, negative comments in evaluations, and
haters on the scene trying to steal the joy from your moments of
accomplishment. Given these factors, the real question is how you can
objectively evaluate negativity while keeping it from disturbing your
internal peace. Throughout the 12 years I was a faculty member, I was
bombarded by negativity and rejection. Here's the process I used to keep
from getting overwhelmed by it:
Ask Yourself: Does This Matter?
Many times the negativity in your environment doesn’t matter one bit to
your professional success and happiness. I have developed a habit of
constantly asking myself: Does this matter? Things that don’t matter
include gossiping colleagues, eye-rolling staff, student sniping, and
bureaucratic annoyances. Things that DO matter include rejection letters for
manuscripts, grant proposals and fellowships, as well as substantive
conflicts with colleagues. For the things that don't matter, you can
consciously recognize them as trifling silliness that you have no control
over and LET THEM GO.
If It Matters, Identify the Heart of the Problem
If you must engage the negativity, then figure out where the problem is
located: Is it your work, your behavior, or you as a person? Differentiating
between these three things is critical to moving forward. For example, if
you have an article rejected, then the problem is located in your manuscript
, not in your existence as a human being. If you receive criticism from your
department chair for repeatedly canceling office hours, then the problem is
your behavior, not you as a person. Clearly identifying the heart of the
problem will help you keep the negativity externalized and pointed in the
direction of the problem, instead of internalizing it and allowing the
negativity to attack your sense of self-worth.
Consider the Negative Input as Data
Once you have cut through the negativity (to deal only with what matters)
and identified the core problem, just consider the negative information as
data. I know it's hard to receive a manuscript rejection, but pull out the
relevant pieces of information, plan your revisions, and move forward. And
while none of us enjoy being confronted about our behavior, it's better for
our colleagues to tell us directly if something is problematic (like
repeatedly canceling office hours). That honest feedback provides an
opportunity for a quick and easy behavioral adjustment and for everyone to
move forward.
When Overwhelmed by Negativity, Reach Out for Support
If you are sensitive to criticism, consider reaching out for support. There
are many ways to do so. I am extraordinarily sensitive to criticism, so when
I was a new faculty member I would give my rejection letters to a colleague
for "translation." She would read the reviews and tell me what needed to be
revised without the nastiness. Somehow, hearing the revision from her made
it not only constructive, but helpful and exciting. I gladly returned the
favor for her rejections until we got to a point where we could filter them
ourselves.
Pity the Haters
It’s hard enough to deal with the constant stream of negative information,
but it’s even more difficult when you do succeed and colleagues try to
diminish, dismiss, or devalue your accomplishments. There are some people in
our professional lives who simply cannot bear to hear positive information
about other people (because they interpret it as negative information about
themselves). That means they will do their very best to subtly but
persistently bring you down. You know who they are and the pitiful reasons
they can’t be happy for you, so don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable to
them. I used to imagine putting on an invisible protective shield before
heading to faculty meetings so all of the petty and mean-spirited locker-
room put-downs would bounce right off me. And on the occasions when the
haters penetrated my armor, a loud blast of Jill Scott’s Hate On Me could
always put things back in perspective quickly.
When You Receive Positive Feedback -- Celebrate!
Let's be honest: positive affirmations of our research, teaching, and
service are rare. I often work with people who let every negative piece of
information sear their soul, but refuse to accept a compliment, enjoy
positive student evaluations, or receive an enthusiastic book review. This
doesn't make sense to me! So if you do nothing else, let yourself enjoy
positive feedback when it happens. Savor it and celebrate!
Develop an Internal System of Affirmation and Value
Most importantly, we each must develop our own internal system of value,
measures of quality, and definition of success. Unless you have a clear
sense of your value as a scholar, your criteria for "good work," and your
definition of success, you will gradually find yourself influenced by the
inevitable negativity and one-upmanship in your environment.
The Weekly Challenge
This week I challenge each of you to do the following:
Ask yourself: Is the negativity in my environment getting to me?
If so, take five minutes to write down what's bothering you. Then figure out
what items on that list really matter and what items you can just let go.
If you have haters in your department, develop a ritual or mental trick to
protect yourself from their pitiful put-downs.
For the items that really matter, determine the heart of the problem and use
the negative information as data to determine how you can move forward.
Ask for support if you feel overwhelmed.
Stop to celebrate EVERY piece of positive feedback you receive.
Begin to develop your own definition of success. Consider writing it down
and keeping it in a place where you can regularly see it.
Keep up your daily writing. The best way to insulate yourself from rejection
and negativity is to have plenty of work in the pipeline.
I hope that this week brings each of you the energy to cut through the
negativity in your environment, the compassion and clarity you need to deal
with your haters, the wisdom to keep negative information externalized and
focused on the problem at hand, and the absolute confidence that emerges
from an internally-generated definition of success. | t*c
发帖数: 8291 | 2 太长了，很难看完。
我对负面情绪的看法很简短：
自己被别人的负面情绪影响到而难过或者愤恨是最不合算的，伤害自己的生理和心理健
康。
如果能够让那个给我负面情绪的人吃苍蝇，让他不高兴，而我自己回家乐呵呵，那是最
赚的。
down
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Faculty 讨论区 】
: 发信人: MHP (马后炮), 信区: Faculty
: 标 题: 关于负面情绪，恰巧收到这个信
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Mar 22 09:46:25 2015, 美东)
: Monday, March 23, 2015
: Responding to Rejection
: Dear XXX，
: Maybe it's just the rhythms of the semester, but many of you seem to be down
: in the dumps. I've been hearing from lots of people who are frustrated by
: cranky colleagues' comments, demoralized by rejected manuscripts and grant
| k**n
发帖数: 6198 | 3 嗯,结论是比较容易在网上和人掐架.........
【在 t*c 的大作中提到】
: 太长了，很难看完。
: 我对负面情绪的看法很简短：
: 自己被别人的负面情绪影响到而难过或者愤恨是最不合算的，伤害自己的生理和心理健
: 康。
: 如果能够让那个给我负面情绪的人吃苍蝇，让他不高兴，而我自己回家乐呵呵，那是最
: 赚的。
:
: down
| l**a
发帖数: 5175 | 4 傻，不打不成交。
掐上了，你们就离不开对方了。
黑社会就是这样把你们搞在一起，
再把你们都搞定，你们谁也离不开这，也离不开彼此。
这网站不死，你们都是未来的。。。组织成员。
说完就走，不那么容易。
【在 k**n 的大作中提到】
: 嗯,结论是比较容易在网上和人掐架.........
| B********e
发帖数: 10014 | 5 这里发人深省的好帖子真多
【在 l**a 的大作中提到】
: 傻，不打不成交。
: 掐上了，你们就离不开对方了。
: 黑社会就是这样把你们搞在一起，
: 再把你们都搞定，你们谁也离不开这，也离不开彼此。
: 这网站不死，你们都是未来的。。。组织成员。
: 说完就走，不那么容易。
| k**n
发帖数: 6198 | 6 隔壁楼看过来,刚刚牢里关了一个,牢外面就干起来了...............原来都是缘粪哪
【在 l**a 的大作中提到】
: 傻，不打不成交。
: 掐上了，你们就离不开对方了。
: 黑社会就是这样把你们搞在一起，
: 再把你们都搞定，你们谁也离不开这，也离不开彼此。
: 这网站不死，你们都是未来的。。。组织成员。
: 说完就走，不那么容易。
| t*c
发帖数: 8291 | 7 不是很容易掐架。 只有非常令我讨厌的，才会送几只苍蝇过去让他吃。
其他情况下都是直接无视了。不会往心里去。
【在 k**n 的大作中提到】
: 嗯,结论是比较容易在网上和人掐架.........
| t*c
发帖数: 8291 | 8 聪明人才不会跟对手纠缠不休呢。多不合算。
放几只苍蝇过去就撤了。让对方一个人憋气。
【在 l**a 的大作中提到】
: 傻，不打不成交。
: 掐上了，你们就离不开对方了。
: 黑社会就是这样把你们搞在一起，
: 再把你们都搞定，你们谁也离不开这，也离不开彼此。
: 这网站不死，你们都是未来的。。。组织成员。
: 说完就走，不那么容易。
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 9 Nod
【在 k**n 的大作中提到】
: 嗯,结论是比较容易在网上和人掐架.........
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 10 我才注意版上在掐架关人什么的。我转这贴，纳粹就是觉得写得好，和家长们分享一下
。最近我女儿做事都有点知难而退，让我很伤脑筋。
【在 l**a 的大作中提到】
: 傻，不打不成交。
: 掐上了，你们就离不开对方了。
: 黑社会就是这样把你们搞在一起，
: 再把你们都搞定，你们谁也离不开这，也离不开彼此。
: 这网站不死，你们都是未来的。。。组织成员。
: 说完就走，不那么容易。
| l**a
发帖数: 5175 | 11 你们入不入黑社会和我没关系。
【在 t*c 的大作中提到】
: 聪明人才不会跟对手纠缠不休呢。多不合算。
: 放几只苍蝇过去就撤了。让对方一个人憋气。
| l**a
发帖数: 5175 | 12 晚上好，再见。
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 我才注意版上在掐架关人什么的。我转这贴，纳粹就是觉得写得好，和家长们分享一下
: 。最近我女儿做事都有点知难而退，让我很伤脑筋。
| m*****O
发帖数: 3558 | 13 admire to death. Is this a dean with a PhD in psychology?
down
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Faculty 讨论区 】
: 发信人: MHP (马后炮), 信区: Faculty
: 标 题: 关于负面情绪，恰巧收到这个信
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Mar 22 09:46:25 2015, 美东)
: Monday, March 23, 2015
: Responding to Rejection
: Dear XXX，
: Maybe it's just the rhythms of the semester, but many of you seem to be down
: in the dumps. I've been hearing from lots of people who are frustrated by
: cranky colleagues' comments, demoralized by rejected manuscripts and grant
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 14 我也是转的别人的，好像是系主任，不知道哪个系的，境界高啊。。
【在 m*****O 的大作中提到】
: admire to death. Is this a dean with a PhD in psychology?
:
: down
|
|
