S*******t
发帖数: 3956 | 1 Snow buried me
Snow buried me alive
I breathed in the cold air
Snow filled my lung, my stomach
And froze my heart
My baby, you are the only heart
That is still beating, strongly
Pumping persistence through my body
You are the seed that breaks the ice
And reclaims the earth
You are the light that warms me during the night
Love is a word that can't be spelled
Love is a spell I won't be able to break |
L****o
发帖数: 1642 | 2 最后两句很出彩，还有这句：You are the seed that breaks the ice and reclaims
the earth。
Love is a word I can't spell
Love is a spell I can't break
最后两句这么说怎么样？
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】
: Snow buried me
: Snow buried me alive
: I breathed in the cold air
: Snow filled my lung, my stomach
: And froze my heart
: My baby, you are the only heart
: That is still beating, strongly
: Pumping persistence through my body
: You are the seed that breaks the ice
: And reclaims the earth
|
S*******t
发帖数: 3956 | 3 嗯，两种写法感觉不一样啊，这样更简短，不过跟头几句连起来，是不是有点太短了。
reclaims
【在 L****o 的大作中提到】
: 最后两句很出彩，还有这句：You are the seed that breaks the ice and reclaims
: the earth。
: Love is a word I can't spell
: Love is a spell I can't break
: 最后两句这么说怎么样？
|
S*********e
发帖数: 3006 | 4 非常棒的诗。有爱者有福
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】
: Snow buried me
: Snow buried me alive
: I breathed in the cold air
: Snow filled my lung, my stomach
: And froze my heart
: My baby, you are the only heart
: That is still beating, strongly
: Pumping persistence through my body
: You are the seed that breaks the ice
: And reclaims the earth
|
S*******t
发帖数: 3956 | 5 谢谢！
【在 S*********e 的大作中提到】
: 非常棒的诗。有爱者有福
|
L****o
发帖数: 1642 | 6 原句已极好，再改就多余了。长短倒不是问题，你就是以短句开头的。
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】
: 嗯，两种写法感觉不一样啊，这样更简短，不过跟头几句连起来，是不是有点太短了。
:
: reclaims
|
h*********r
发帖数: 7786 | 7 喜欢最后两句，超赞！
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】
: Snow buried me
: Snow buried me alive
: I breathed in the cold air
: Snow filled my lung, my stomach
: And froze my heart
: My baby, you are the only heart
: That is still beating, strongly
: Pumping persistence through my body
: You are the seed that breaks the ice
: And reclaims the earth
|
