p***y
发帖数: 18037 | 1 一点关系都没有。不过实在太好笑了。。。。忍不住要来转载一下。。。。
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which
she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron , will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,''favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready
to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT
humor)! | p***n
发帖数: 17190 | 2 英國
有錢到太古老的國家
說點小事都得扯一堆
不然太無聊
Queen Elizabeth II
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
【在 p***y 的大作中提到】
: 一点关系都没有。不过实在太好笑了。。。。忍不住要来转载一下。。。。
: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
: In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
: hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
: immediately.
: (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
: Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
: over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which
: she does not fancy).
: Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron , will appoint a Governor for
| l****n
发帖数: 6896 | 3 呵呵,您就是信尾說的不要看這封信的那種人。這封信讓我從頭笑到尾! Bravo!
【在 p***n 的大作中提到】
: 英國
: 有錢到太古老的國家
: 說點小事都得扯一堆
: 不然太無聊
:
: Queen Elizabeth II
: for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
| I***d
发帖数: 1023 | 4 嗯，我不但笑，還覺得如果都實現了，美國能美好些。
【在 l****n 的大作中提到】
: 呵呵,您就是信尾說的不要看這封信的那種人。這封信讓我從頭笑到尾! Bravo!
| b********n
发帖数: 4256 | 5 it reminds me of Letterman's top ten list, although it would've been funnier
if someone reads it in a brit accent.
#1-2. I guess her Majesty has never heard of the new phenomenon called
Twitter, nor Facebook. bow bow bow...
#8. since when the brits start to lecture other people about food? now that'
s a funny joke...hoho.
#9. Genesis is the best beer in the world, but it's from Ireland...oops.
#10. This one is not really accurate...Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are
both good guys in the Oscar winner king's speech, quite a performance for
both of them I must say.
Andie McDowell played an American woman in Four Weddings and a Funeral, so
that's really no reason for her to attempt at a brit accent in that movie.
#11. rubbish, rubbish, rubbish...
#12. more rubbish... | b********n
发帖数: 4256 | 6 美國能美好些...飞鸿兄您可真会开玩笑,哈哈。
【在 I***d 的大作中提到】
: 嗯，我不但笑，還覺得如果都實現了，美國能美好些。
| l****n
发帖数: 6896 | 7 Oh, come on, cut them some slack here, will you? It's just a joke, who cares
if it's factual or not? @_@ Letterman's top ten list has always been
rubbish, right? That's the nature of jokes. So, relax, man.
funnier
that'
【在 b********n 的大作中提到】
: it reminds me of Letterman's top ten list, although it would've been funnier
: if someone reads it in a brit accent.
: #1-2. I guess her Majesty has never heard of the new phenomenon called
: Twitter, nor Facebook. bow bow bow...
: #8. since when the brits start to lecture other people about food? now that'
: s a funny joke...hoho.
: #9. Genesis is the best beer in the world, but it's from Ireland...oops.
: #10. This one is not really accurate...Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are
: both good guys in the Oscar winner king's speech, quite a performance for
: both of them I must say.
| b********n
发帖数: 4256 | 8 Some parts of the this joke are funny, some aren't. Does it mean I can not
rebuff the parts I don't feel funny at all?
When you go to a comedy club, do you see the audience laughing at all the
jokes from the comedian? I mean all the jokes?
stop kidding yourself.
btw, I do not appreciate your condescending tone when you talk to people
here.
族問題，或
了，沒有人會去
酸＂還是什
【在 l****n 的大作中提到】
: Oh, come on, cut them some slack here, will you? It's just a joke, who cares
: if it's factual or not? @_@ Letterman's top ten list has always been
: rubbish, right? That's the nature of jokes. So, relax, man.
:
: funnier
: that'
| b********n
发帖数: 4256 | 9 no one finds a little bit of dark humor in my previous post?
like...Twitter only accepts 120 characters in a tweet text, so you need to
write simple characters and symbols to express yourself in an effective way,
and her majesty queen probably has no clue what is Twitter and no idea what
's going on out there in the real world...hoho.
funnier
that'
【在 b********n 的大作中提到】
: it reminds me of Letterman's top ten list, although it would've been funnier
: if someone reads it in a brit accent.
: #1-2. I guess her Majesty has never heard of the new phenomenon called
: Twitter, nor Facebook. bow bow bow...
: #8. since when the brits start to lecture other people about food? now that'
: s a funny joke...hoho.
: #9. Genesis is the best beer in the world, but it's from Ireland...oops.
: #10. This one is not really accurate...Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are
: both good guys in the Oscar winner king's speech, quite a performance for
: both of them I must say.
| p***y
发帖数: 18037 | 10 我喜欢
way,
what
【在 b********n 的大作中提到】
: no one finds a little bit of dark humor in my previous post?
: like...Twitter only accepts 120 characters in a tweet text, so you need to
: write simple characters and symbols to express yourself in an effective way,
: and her majesty queen probably has no clue what is Twitter and no idea what
: 's going on out there in the real world...hoho.
:
: funnier
: that'
| b********n
发帖数: 4256 | 11 被打的满头包，还好有你来救场，感动。。。
【在 p***y 的大作中提到】
: 我喜欢
:
: way,
: what
|
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