j******s
发帖数: 1096 | 1 The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... Humans
coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal
innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion
of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented,
so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they
were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live
off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's
work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group
therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that
the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that
time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives
fed them.
Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on
earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white
wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal menus. Their women
have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want
others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom
and Gomorrah.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in
baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber-jacks
, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively
outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and
decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just
stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of law.
They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches.
When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution,
which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in
the concept of truth.
Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as
the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they
always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no
standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the
poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and
give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from
conservatives. Satan is a liberal (as the "father of all lies" he invented
liberalism) And someday soon he will call his flock home.
Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own
guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They
provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other
foreign criminals.
Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm
conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with
guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the
rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and
attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG
government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.
Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict
common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by
liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other
countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference
between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal
from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed
statutes, and don't explain their reasons.
Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the
privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries
, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals.
Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos
, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law
to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other
liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them.
Judge Roy Bean is their model.
The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A
hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the
owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate
your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born
yet".
So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported? | s****b
发帖数: 2039 | 2 ha ha, I thought it was a nice article, started to read, but as soon as I
read the third sentence talking about beer, I know it is a joke!
epochal
invented,
【在 j******s 的大作中提到】
: The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
: some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood... Humans
: coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
: In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal
: innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion
: of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
: Liberals and Conservatives.
: Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
: agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented,
: so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how
| j*****v
发帖数: 7717 | 3 you are too slow
标题明明写着＂不严肃。。。＂
【在 s****b 的大作中提到】
: ha ha, I thought it was a nice article, started to read, but as soon as I
: read the third sentence talking about beer, I know it is a joke!
:
: epochal
: invented,
| s****b
发帖数: 2039 | 4 不严肃 =\= joke
【在 j*****v 的大作中提到】
: you are too slow
: 标题明明写着＂不严肃。。。＂
| l******a
发帖数: 3803 | 5
slow is luberals' signature.
【在 j*****v 的大作中提到】
: you are too slow
: 标题明明写着＂不严肃。。。＂
| j******s
发帖数: 1096 | 6 左棍智商低导致没有幽默感……其结果就像那只破船上的猪一样……堪忧啊 |
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