i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Faculty 讨论区 】
发信人: MHP (马后炮), 信区: Faculty
标 题: 关于负面情绪，恰巧收到这个信
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Mar 22 09:46:25 2015, 美东)
Monday, March 23, 2015
Responding to Rejection
Dear XXX，
Maybe it's just the rhythms of the semester, but many of you seem to be down
in the dumps. I've been hearing from lots of people who are frustrated by
cranky colleagues' comments, demoralized by rejected manuscripts and grant
proposals, and tired of students' unending complaints. With so much
negativity in our work environments, I'm going to focus this week on Common
Mistake #11: Internalizing Rejection and Negativity.
Academic Life is FULL of Rejection, Negativity, and Haters
One of the greatest difficulties of academic life is that there is a
seemingly endless stream of negative information and devaluation, while
positive experiences are few and far between. By this time of the academic
year, you have probably received a wide range of negativity from colleagues,
students, external reviewers, publishers, granting agencies, and random
haters. This is perfectly normal and, quite frankly, some of it is part of
the research, teaching, and professional growth process. But that doesn't
mean it feels good! While most of us can handle a certain amount of
frustration, rejection and disappointment, it's the cumulative effect of
this negativity that can lead to exhaustion, paralysis, and/or depression.
The problem occurs when we internalize the negativity and allow rejection to
impact our sense of our own intellectual capacity, self-worth, and
enjoyment of our work.
Responding to Rejection and Negativity
There will always be some negativity in your environment, rejection of your
manuscripts and grant proposals, negative comments in evaluations, and
haters on the scene trying to steal the joy from your moments of
accomplishment. Given these factors, the real question is how you can
objectively evaluate negativity while keeping it from disturbing your
internal peace. Throughout the 12 years I was a faculty member, I was
bombarded by negativity and rejection. Here's the process I used to keep
from getting overwhelmed by it:
Ask Yourself: Does This Matter?
Many times the negativity in your environment doesn’t matter one bit to
your professional success and happiness. I have developed a habit of
constantly asking myself: Does this matter? Things that don’t matter
include gossiping colleagues, eye-rolling staff, student sniping, and
bureaucratic annoyances. Things that DO matter include rejection letters for
manuscripts, grant proposals and fellowships, as well as substantive
conflicts with colleagues. For the things that don't matter, you can
consciously recognize them as trifling silliness that you have no control
over and LET THEM GO.
If It Matters, Identify the Heart of the Problem
If you must engage the negativity, then figure out where the problem is
located: Is it your work, your behavior, or you as a person? Differentiating
between these three things is critical to moving forward. For example, if
you have an article rejected, then the problem is located in your manuscript
, not in your existence as a human being. If you receive criticism from your
department chair for repeatedly canceling office hours, then the problem is
your behavior, not you as a person. Clearly identifying the heart of the
problem will help you keep the negativity externalized and pointed in the
direction of the problem, instead of internalizing it and allowing the
negativity to attack your sense of self-worth.
Consider the Negative Input as Data
Once you have cut through the negativity (to deal only with what matters)
and identified the core problem, just consider the negative information as
data. I know it's hard to receive a manuscript rejection, but pull out the
relevant pieces of information, plan your revisions, and move forward. And
while none of us enjoy being confronted about our behavior, it's better for
our colleagues to tell us directly if something is problematic (like
repeatedly canceling office hours). That honest feedback provides an
opportunity for a quick and easy behavioral adjustment and for everyone to
move forward.
When Overwhelmed by Negativity, Reach Out for Support
If you are sensitive to criticism, consider reaching out for support. There
are many ways to do so. I am extraordinarily sensitive to criticism, so when
I was a new faculty member I would give my rejection letters to a colleague
for "translation." She would read the reviews and tell me what needed to be
revised without the nastiness. Somehow, hearing the revision from her made
it not only constructive, but helpful and exciting. I gladly returned the
favor for her rejections until we got to a point where we could filter them
ourselves.
Pity the Haters
It’s hard enough to deal with the constant stream of negative information,
but it’s even more difficult when you do succeed and colleagues try to
diminish, dismiss, or devalue your accomplishments. There are some people in
our professional lives who simply cannot bear to hear positive information
about other people (because they interpret it as negative information about
themselves). That means they will do their very best to subtly but
persistently bring you down. You know who they are and the pitiful reasons
they can’t be happy for you, so don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable to
them. I used to imagine putting on an invisible protective shield before
heading to faculty meetings so all of the petty and mean-spirited locker-
room put-downs would bounce right off me. And on the occasions when the
haters penetrated my armor, a loud blast of Jill Scott’s Hate On Me could
always put things back in perspective quickly.
When You Receive Positive Feedback -- Celebrate!
Let's be honest: positive affirmations of our research, teaching, and
service are rare. I often work with people who let every negative piece of
information sear their soul, but refuse to accept a compliment, enjoy
positive student evaluations, or receive an enthusiastic book review. This
doesn't make sense to me! So if you do nothing else, let yourself enjoy
positive feedback when it happens. Savor it and celebrate!
Develop an Internal System of Affirmation and Value
Most importantly, we each must develop our own internal system of value,
measures of quality, and definition of success. Unless you have a clear
sense of your value as a scholar, your criteria for "good work," and your
definition of success, you will gradually find yourself influenced by the
inevitable negativity and one-upmanship in your environment.
The Weekly Challenge
This week I challenge each of you to do the following:
Ask yourself: Is the negativity in my environment getting to me?
If so, take five minutes to write down what's bothering you. Then figure out
what items on that list really matter and what items you can just let go.
If you have haters in your department, develop a ritual or mental trick to
protect yourself from their pitiful put-downs.
For the items that really matter, determine the heart of the problem and use
the negative information as data to determine how you can move forward.
Ask for support if you feel overwhelmed.
Stop to celebrate EVERY piece of positive feedback you receive.
Begin to develop your own definition of success. Consider writing it down
and keeping it in a place where you can regularly see it.
Keep up your daily writing. The best way to insulate yourself from rejection
and negativity is to have plenty of work in the pipeline.
I hope that this week brings each of you the energy to cut through the
negativity in your environment, the compassion and clarity you need to deal
with your haters, the wisdom to keep negative information externalized and
focused on the problem at hand, and the absolute confidence that emerges
from an internally-generated definition of success. | i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 2 写得非常好。我正在看HOUSEOFCARDS，看到UNDERWOODS和他老婆总被现实打击的东倒西
歪，可是第二天一早仍然满怀斗志精神抖擞。我很佩服。
down
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 【 以下文字转载自 Faculty 讨论区 】
: 发信人: MHP (马后炮), 信区: Faculty
: 标 题: 关于负面情绪，恰巧收到这个信
: 发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Mar 22 09:46:25 2015, 美东)
: Monday, March 23, 2015
: Responding to Rejection
: Dear XXX，
: Maybe it's just the rhythms of the semester, but many of you seem to be down
: in the dumps. I've been hearing from lots of people who are frustrated by
: cranky colleagues' comments, demoralized by rejected manuscripts and grant
| w****r
发帖数: 17566 | 3 挺不错的
down
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 写得非常好。我正在看HOUSEOFCARDS，看到UNDERWOODS和他老婆总被现实打击的东倒西
: 歪，可是第二天一早仍然满怀斗志精神抖擞。我很佩服。
:
: down
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 4 我准备打印下来，糊在墙上
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 挺不错的
:
: down
| w****r
发帖数: 17566 | 5 那么长啊. 气晕了的时候能坚持到喷血之前看完吗
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 我准备打印下来，糊在墙上
| w****r
发帖数: 17566 | 6 简单来说，三句话
1。 不重要的，当空气，小屁学生你们一边自个儿玩儿去
2。重要的，找一颜值高语音柔之美女或帅哥解读，然后做掉it
3。今天要跟坏人喝咖啡肿么办? 木事，穿上yy的透明精神防弹衣雀跃而去。。
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 那么长啊. 气晕了的时候能坚持到喷血之前看完吗
| w****r
发帖数: 17566 | 7 上面这贴有包子么
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 简单来说，三句话
: 1。 不重要的，当空气，小屁学生你们一边自个儿玩儿去
: 2。重要的，找一颜值高语音柔之美女或帅哥解读，然后做掉it
: 3。今天要跟坏人喝咖啡肿么办? 木事，穿上yy的透明精神防弹衣雀跃而去。。
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 8 总结得挺好的，包子嘛，只要要，姐就给。
抗压能力，说易行难，我有切身的体会。
我女儿最近把学了两年的游泳放弃掉，我准备晚上点跟蜡烛，找几篇这样的文章读给她听
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 上面这贴有包子么
| L**********s
发帖数: 12988 | 9 哈哈哈
话说，前几天我还说要贴一个在镜子上，找半天镜子。。。
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 那么长啊. 气晕了的时候能坚持到喷血之前看完吗
| L**********s
发帖数: 12988 | 10 我儿子晒了七八年的钢琴网，去年还是前年说不学了。我还挺高兴的，嗯，省钱省时间
了。
她听
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 总结得挺好的，包子嘛，只要要，姐就给。
: 抗压能力，说易行难，我有切身的体会。
: 我女儿最近把学了两年的游泳放弃掉，我准备晚上点跟蜡烛，找几篇这样的文章读给她听
| | | l********1
发帖数: 5909 | 11 我还没看，打印出来等会好好读读。
【在 w****r 的大作中提到】
: 那么长啊. 气晕了的时候能坚持到喷血之前看完吗
| q**x
发帖数: 3763 | 12 哇，好长。。。长得我立马有负面情绪了~
我们滴艾嘻嘻mm来个简洁又动听的有声版就好啦~ | i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 13 后来真的停了？我女儿的小提琴还在继续，七年了，她是自己喜欢拉。
但是我一贯更注重体育，在她小学的时候，我们对她的学习从来没有关心过，就是把送
她去不同的活动，要她自己选一个。一个都没有兴趣。最后终于游泳突发猛进，两年越
过四五个LEVEL，也去不同的城市参加MEET什么的，我们一度做美梦她真能学点什么出
来。现在好，因为进步没有以前快，觉得不能再取得那么明显的成绩，加之对我们期望
的逆反心理，说不学就不学了。现在自己嚷嚷学TENNIS，我这又准备请私人教练教
TENNIS，另外再加个射箭，不过我们已经说好了，这两个其中的任何一个学不出样子，
就继续回去游泳
【在 L**********s 的大作中提到】
: 我儿子晒了七八年的钢琴网，去年还是前年说不学了。我还挺高兴的，嗯，省钱省时间
: 了。
:
: 她听
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 14 这文章只适合于我这样的quiter, 你能坚持画画这么久，这文章你不用看了
【在 l********1 的大作中提到】
: 我还没看，打印出来等会好好读读。
| i*****a
发帖数: 7272 | 15 诶哟，女神你难得现身啊，你忙什么呢？
你这正好是戳了我的痛处啊，我小时候因为在社会主义大企业成长，当地城市的方言不
会讲，大了呢，说普通话，有弗兰味，现在到了美国，说个英文又是CHINGLISH，要不
然我对有声读物的东西兴趣缺缺了。。。
【在 q**x 的大作中提到】
: 哇，好长。。。长得我立马有负面情绪了~
: 我们滴艾嘻嘻mm来个简洁又动听的有声版就好啦~
| T****e
发帖数: 2798 | 16 一时语塞，无言而出
down
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 诶哟，女神你难得现身啊，你忙什么呢？
: 你这正好是戳了我的痛处啊，我小时候因为在社会主义大企业成长，当地城市的方言不
: 会讲，大了呢，说普通话，有弗兰味，现在到了美国，说个英文又是CHINGLISH，要不
: 然我对有声读物的东西兴趣缺缺了。。。
| b*s
发帖数: 82482 | 17
tt
【在 i*****a 的大作中提到】
: 这文章只适合于我这样的quiter, 你能坚持画画这么久，这文章你不用看了
| L**********s
发帖数: 12988 | 18 泰哥听起来很有言么，说说吧
【在 T****e 的大作中提到】
: 一时语塞，无言而出
:
: down
|
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