s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 1 如果你没看过的话
http://www.joke-archives.com/oddsends/diaryofasnowshoveler.html
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff
and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
Lord, I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death
in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the butthole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to zero degrees.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What
is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
she did but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all
over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
darn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
Lord, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation, and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I
have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A
Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30° and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -10°. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? |
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 2 hahahahah, make me feel better :P |
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 3 给我们点雪吧，要去滑雪山上却下大雨！
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: hahahahah, make me feel better :P
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p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 4 赞你们家闺女，滑得真好啊。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 给我们点雪吧，要去滑雪山上却下大雨！
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 5 你都知道？！ 赞！
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 赞你们家闺女，滑得真好啊。
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 6 你们又要去？！
赞！
我们唯一动了念头想去滑，确让泥石流给吓住了。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 给我们点雪吧，要去滑雪山上却下大雨！
|
m****y
发帖数: 3437 | 7 Why am I tied to the bed?
hahaha! |
p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 8 看到的，//得意地炫耀道。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 你都知道？！ 赞！
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 9 眼红！这么说你们也去滑了！
靖康二娃身边美女环绕啊！
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 看到的，//得意地炫耀道。
|
p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 10 我们，我们只能远远地看看他们家美女们。。。
要说我们家老婆确实很强。他们有个滑雪班。一个小孩午饭的时候（爹妈不要求在场）
跟那偷偷地哭，pink跑过去，让郭靖杨康自己照顾自己，温言抚慰那孩子十五分钟，真
的让那孩子高兴起来了。老师和教练们过了一阵才意识到那不是她的孩子，景仰坏了。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 眼红！这么说你们也去滑了！
: 靖康二娃身边美女环绕啊！
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P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 11 暴风雪赞pink！
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 我们，我们只能远远地看看他们家美女们。。。
: 要说我们家老婆确实很强。他们有个滑雪班。一个小孩午饭的时候（爹妈不要求在场）
: 跟那偷偷地哭，pink跑过去，让郭靖杨康自己照顾自己，温言抚慰那孩子十五分钟，真
: 的让那孩子高兴起来了。老师和教练们过了一阵才意识到那不是她的孩子，景仰坏了。
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 12 给老大报了四次课，上星期第一次。眼看着哗啦哗啦下一个星期的雨加雪把雪场的雪都
糟蹋了，姑娘这周末要在雨夹雪中上课遭罪了。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 你们又要去？！
: 赞！
: 我们唯一动了念头想去滑，确让泥石流给吓住了。
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 13 我看到pink了，和郭靖杨康中的一个。没瞅见你啊
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 赞你们家闺女，滑得真好啊。
|
p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 14 我看见你老公了，还没来得及去谄媚一下他就不见了。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 我看到pink了，和郭靖杨康中的一个。没瞅见你啊
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 15 我们老二那不叫会滑，她只会往前冲，不会停，我得后面拴着她。郭靖杨康上课学的才
是真滑。
pink太有爱有耐心了！！午饭时间所有孩子家长都在一起吃饭，那个人多的乱也
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 我们，我们只能远远地看看他们家美女们。。。
: 要说我们家老婆确实很强。他们有个滑雪班。一个小孩午饭的时候（爹妈不要求在场）
: 跟那偷偷地哭，pink跑过去，让郭靖杨康自己照顾自己，温言抚慰那孩子十五分钟，真
: 的让那孩子高兴起来了。老师和教练们过了一阵才意识到那不是她的孩子，景仰坏了。
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 16 赞！你还能拴着娃滑！！
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 我们老二那不叫会滑，她只会往前冲，不会停，我得后面拴着她。郭靖杨康上课学的才
: 是真滑。
: pink太有爱有耐心了！！午饭时间所有孩子家长都在一起吃饭，那个人多的乱也
|
s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 17 天气决定一切呀。上次我们报了三天的课，后来我看见天气预报说第二天风速６０ｍｐ
ｈ就取消了那
天的课。第二天，本来还想去滑（不上课自己滑），等我把车从两尺的雪里挖出来，就
已经１１：３
０了。于是就带女儿去玩ａｒｃａｄｅ了。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 给老大报了四次课，上星期第一次。眼看着哗啦哗啦下一个星期的雨加雪把雪场的雪都
: 糟蹋了，姑娘这周末要在雨夹雪中上课遭罪了。
|
p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 18 合着你不了解人家伉俪俩的牛啊。。。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 赞！你还能拴着娃滑！！
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 19 5555555555555555，我已经表扬人家会玩了，可人不承认！
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 合着你不了解人家伉俪俩的牛啊。。。
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 20 怪不得你要和小米twin啊。。hihi
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 合着你不了解人家伉俪俩的牛啊。。。
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p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 21 呵呵，那是因为我们最近在一种男女皆宜的穿戴上“撞衫”了而已。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 怪不得你要和小米twin啊。。hihi
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 22 我们老二小，mussle还不能控制停和转弯。但胆子大，老想滑快的，我只能夹这她。之
后买了个ski harness 拴着娃，她往前冲，我后面控制速度和方向。。。大家都having
fun. 大大解放了我的背，很好用。
【在 P*********d 的大作中提到】
: 赞！你还能拴着娃滑！！
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 23 皮叔高抬，我们真的没啥可推的啊
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 合着你不了解人家伉俪俩的牛啊。。。
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 24 赞两尺的雪！眼红。我们这课是连续四次的，连着下半个月的雨，老天太不够给力了
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: 天气决定一切呀。上次我们报了三天的课，后来我看见天气预报说第二天风速６０ｍｐ
: ｈ就取消了那
: 天的课。第二天，本来还想去滑（不上课自己滑），等我把车从两尺的雪里挖出来，就
: 已经１１：３
: ０了。于是就带女儿去玩ａｒｃａｄｅ了。
|
P*********d
发帖数: 4064 | 25 羡慕小老二！
我就希望谁能就个东西栓着俺。。
当年第一次滑的时候看到过一个英姿啥双的妈妈栓着个小男孩就滑下来了，羡慕的不行
，原来你就是这
样的啊～
having
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 我们老二小，mussle还不能控制停和转弯。但胆子大，老想滑快的，我只能夹这她。之
: 后买了个ski harness 拴着娃，她往前冲，我后面控制速度和方向。。。大家都having
: fun. 大大解放了我的背，很好用。
|
l********e
发帖数: 4863 | 26 我怎么木的印象了？？
【在 p*****e 的大作中提到】
: 呵呵，那是因为我们最近在一种男女皆宜的穿戴上“撞衫”了而已。
|
p*****e
发帖数: 5165 | 27 我还问过你呢。。。广义的“穿戴”。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 我怎么木的印象了？？
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s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 28 连续的话就没办法了。我们这边也是在下雨。雪季开始前我听到的预报是十二月雪很多
，一二月较
少。
【在 l********e 的大作中提到】
: 赞两尺的雪！眼红。我们这课是连续四次的，连着下半个月的雨，老天太不够给力了
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