i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 1 How to Raise an Unhappy Child
January 12, 2011 | The Main Dish | 76 Comments
Why do so many people still believe that achievement leads to happiness?
The media is abuzz about Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (
see this excerpt from the Wall Street Journal). Chua argues that “Chinese
” mothers “are superior” because they demand absolute perfection—and won
’t refrain from berating, threatening, and even starving their kids until
they’re satisfied.
Chua acknowledges that her argument will offend softy “Western” parents,
who prefer to coddle rather than throttle their kids—parents who prioritize
happiness over achievement.
Successful -- but happy?
I am not offended so much as worried. My inbox is full of parents looking
for an answer: Should I be more demanding? Will my children be aimless
underachievers if I foster things like friendship and gratitude rather than
tripling their piano practice time?
Though I’m anything but permissive, even by Chua’s standards, I am one of
those “Western” parents that absolutely does prioritize children’s long-
term happiness over their achievements and performances. Ironically, I
adapted these values from a confluence of Eastern philosophy—particularly
Lao-tzu’s Tao Te Ching and Buddhist teachings—and Western science, which
provides ample evidence that success follows happiness, and not the other
way around.
Chua’s argument goes against years of scientific research into what makes
kids truly happy—and successful—in life. Moreover, it rests on a faulty
premise: Rather than being overly permissive, many American parents—
especially the well-educated, affluent Americans reading excerpts in the WSJ
or on Slate.com—are overly focused on achievement already. Chua’s guide
to raising ever-more high-achieving children could fuel this fire, and that
’s scary.
Chua defines success narrowly, focusing on achievement and perfection at all
costs: Success is getting straight As and being a violin or piano prodigy.
Three decades of research clearly suggests that such a narrow focus on
achievement can produce wildly unhappy people. Yes, they may boast perfect
report cards and stunning piano recitals. But we are a country full of high-
achieving but depressed and suicidal college students, a record number of
whom take prescription medication for anxiety and depression.
Chua argues that happiness comes from mastery, and that mastery is achieved
through “tenacious practice, practice, practice.” She’s right here—
practice does fuel success—but she’s wrong that forced mastery will lead
to happiness. “Once a child starts to excel at something,” she writes, “
he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence
and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for
the parent to get the child to work even more.”
Although there’s some logic to this “virtuous circle,” the drug-like
gratification that comes from this type of achievement is not happiness or
fulfillment: Once the initial exhilaration wears off, it’s on to the next
goal, in search of that elusive feeling of accomplishment. It’s success
without long-term enjoyment, work without meaning.
Chua is prescribing life motivated by perfectionism—fear of failure, fear
of disappointment. Not only is this a vicious form of unhappiness, but
research by Carol Dweck and many others shows that kids who are not allowed
to make mistakes don’t develop the resilience or grit they need later in
life to overcome challenges, or pick themselves up when they do fail.
Perfectionists are far more likely to be depressed, anxious, and in college,
they are more likely to commit suicide.
Perhaps even more disconcerting is how Chua disparages play and friendships:
She takes pride in never letting her kids have playdates or sleepovers, so
that they have more time for schoolwork and practicing their instruments.
If scientists have learned anything on the subject, it’s that social
connections are the foundation for happiness, health, and success in life.
When kids build friendships through play, their social and emotional
intelligence flourishes; social skills are a key predictor of success later
in life. What’s more, research clearly links loneliness and isolation with
chronic illness and increased mortality rates, not to mention unhappiness.
Chua also recommends motivating kids through coercion and threats—a recipe
not just for unhappiness but also for unethical behavior. People who are
motivated externally with threats and rewards are less creative, less able
to solve problems, and more likely to cheat to meet the expectations of
those around them.
I’m not suggesting that you should fret about your children’s self-esteem,
pump them full of false praise, or let them run wild. I don’t do those
things, and I don’t advocate permissive parenting. I do advocate happiness
and joy as the paths to a meaningful life.
But if that sounds fluffy to you—if you, like Chua, value your children’s
success over their long-term happiness—and you are inclined to practice
Chua’s methods for turning out an Ivy-Leaguer, here is what I want you to
remember: Fostering the skills that kids need for happiness is a better bet
for their long-term success.
Do you think children raised by “Chinese” mothers are “superior,” as
Chua asserts? Where you raised in the “Chinese” style of parenting Chua
hyperbolizes? If so, did it work for you? Did you learn the skills you
need for happiness now? Has Chua’s essay made you rethink how you parent?
Why or why not?
© 2011 Christine Carter, Ph.D. | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 2 Christine Carter, Ph.D.
writes blog for UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center
俺再贴几篇她的blog | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 3 http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/january_
January Newsletter: Motivating Kids
January 27, 2011 | Newsletters | 2 Comments
When you CAN use tangible rewards
This month, I focused on ways to motivate kids—without using bribes,
rewards, or threats.
I also joined the firestorm of controversy around Amy Chua’s article in the
Wall Street Journal, which coincidentally centered around the best way to
motivate kids. Chua seemed to be advocating the use of coercion, threats,
and bribes—not happiness habits! CBS Sunday Morning came to Berkeley to
talk to me about it, which was fun, and made clear that Chua’s position is
not as extreme as it first seemed.
In all of this, several parents have asked a good question: Is it EVER okay
to reward kids for good behavior? Sometimes it actually is okay, despite my
emphatic opposition to reward systems. Here’s when:
(1) If the task you want to reward your children for is NOT a super-boring
and routine chore, never ever ever offer if-then rewards. Think of kids who
are rewarded for kindness: they become less likely to repeat their kind act.
(2) However, if it is a rote task that you absolutely can’t make more
challenging and less ho-hum—and if you just can’t seem to connect it to a
higher purpose—you CAN use rewards, if you:
—Explain to kids the reason the chore is necessary.
—Admit that the chore is super boring.
—Allow them to do the chore in their own way. (This is why I let my
daughter hand-wash dishes when we have a perfectly good dishwasher.)
(3) You can also use surprise rewards. The key is to make absolutely sure
that the reward is not in any way expected, and that the task is already
completely finished when you offer the reward. So you can take your kids
out to a movie for that job-well-done…but only if they don’t even slightly
suspect that you are going to do so until the job actually has been done
well.
(4) Don’t forget about the power of praise. Growth-mindset praise is not
corruptive like a tangible reward, especially when it comes as positive
feedback (“Practicing the piano an extra 20 minutes worked—you sound great
!”) rather than a vague compliment (“Good job!”).
If you’d like to read more about ways to motivate kids without rewards, I
highly recommend Dan Pink’s book Drive; on page 69 he offers a decision
tree for when to reward…and when not to.
This is an excerpt from the January Raising Happiness newsletter, which I
cross-post here so that readers can comment and ask questions. | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 4 http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/the_psyc
The Psychology of Success
October 8, 2007 | Posts with Videos | 3 Comments
Kids with "growth mindsets" are more likely embrace challenges and enjoy
their activities. | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 5 Dr. Daniel H. Pink website
http://www.danpink.com/drive
Drive
From Daniel H. Pink, the author of the bestselling A Whole New Mind, comes a
paradigm-shattering look at what truly motivates us and how we can use that
knowledge to work smarter and live better.
Most of us believe that the best way to motivate ourselves and others is
with external rewards like money—the carrot-and-stick approach. That’s a
mistake, Daniel H. Pink says in, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What
Motivates Us, his provocative and persuasive new book. The secret to high
performance and satisfaction—at work, at school, and at home—is the deeply
human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things, and to
do better by ourselves and our world.
Drawing on four decades of scientific research on human motivation, Pink
exposes the mismatch between what science knows and what business does—and
how that affects every aspect of life. He demonstrates that while carrots
and sticks worked successfully in the twentieth century, that’s precisely
the wrong way to motivate people for today’s challenges. In Drive, he
examines the three elements of true motivation—autonomy, mastery, and
purpose—and offers smart and surprising techniques for putting these into
action. Along the way, he takes us to companies that are enlisting new
approaches to motivation and introduces us to the scientists and
entrepreneurs who are pointing a bold way forward.
Drive is bursting with big ideas—the rare book that will change how you
think and transform how you live. | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 6 俺觉着motivation忒重要
不管是自己喜欢做的事，还是不喜欢但是必须做的事情，都需要motivation
跟小朋友们做斗争的时候，如何motivate 他们，培养他们自己的motivation，俺觉着
是一切的根本之根本 | M*****h
发帖数: 890 | 7 太有道理了！我喜欢！
(
Chinese
won
prioritize
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: How to Raise an Unhappy Child
: January 12, 2011 | The Main Dish | 76 Comments
: Why do so many people still believe that achievement leads to happiness?
: The media is abuzz about Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (
: see this excerpt from the Wall Street Journal). Chua argues that “Chinese
: ” mothers “are superior” because they demand absolute perfection—and won
: ’t refrain from berating, threatening, and even starving their kids until
: they’re satisfied.
: Chua acknowledges that her argument will offend softy “Western” parents,
: who prefer to coddle rather than throttle their kids—parents who prioritize
| M*****h
发帖数: 890 | 8 赞你这么有思想！我现在迷惑死了。。。
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 俺觉着motivation忒重要
: 不管是自己喜欢做的事，还是不喜欢但是必须做的事情，都需要motivation
: 跟小朋友们做斗争的时候，如何motivate 他们，培养他们自己的motivation，俺觉着
: 是一切的根本之根本
| f******r
发帖数: 2975 | 9 文章太长了
没仔细看
有摘要吗？
不过我总认为
佛说了人有七苦
逃不掉的 | I*****e
发帖数: 7085 | 10 八苦
不过最后一个五蕴盛我不是很明白
【在 f******r 的大作中提到】
: 文章太长了
: 没仔细看
: 有摘要吗？
: 不过我总认为
: 佛说了人有七苦
: 逃不掉的
| | | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 11 奥，就是说人生有8苦，逃不掉
再想追求快乐，那就是9苦，自找苦吃？哈哈哈
【在 I*****e 的大作中提到】
: 八苦
: 不过最后一个五蕴盛我不是很明白
| r*******y
发帖数: 1729 | 12 好像是指对人生的追求与爱慕放不下。一般简称八苦的最后一苦是放不下。
唉，不可说,不可说,一说即是错
【在 I*****e 的大作中提到】
: 八苦
: 不过最后一个五蕴盛我不是很明白
| k******d
发帖数: 1543 | 13 赞同啊
推的目的应该是教会自推
就是在关键的问题上, 推小孩认同你说的"三观"吧
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 俺觉着motivation忒重要
: 不管是自己喜欢做的事，还是不喜欢但是必须做的事情，都需要motivation
: 跟小朋友们做斗争的时候，如何motivate 他们，培养他们自己的motivation，俺觉着
: 是一切的根本之根本
| s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 14 I love this Christine Carter. Good find, izze. I wish I could articulate
like her about the flaws in Chua's parenting approach. She hit the nail
right on the head about Chua's reversed order of success and happiness, her
narrow definition of success and the drug-like, short-lived gratification in
her "practice-forced mastery-happiness" circle.
When we come to motivation, the perfectionism route has to watch out for a
lot of negative aspects, such as depression(we had one story) and
procrastination. I was in one of Carol Dweck's talks about growth mindset,
where she showed convincing data to support the notion that growth mindset
is superior to fixed mindset in helping students learn. And Chua's
recommendation of motivating kids through coercion and threats, focuses
heavily on the extrinsic motivations. The fact that she weighs so lightly
the intrinsic motivations, makes me think that she may be an accomplished
robot herself.
OK, enough about Chua. I like the second piece on when and how to give out
rewards, especially the "unexpected" part. I think most parents here could
use this. I will go read Daniel Pink's book, Drive. I heard his previous
book, A Whole New Mind, is quite good as well. I borrowed that book before
but didn't get to read it before due. Procrastination, maybe? | F*******t
发帖数: 1283 | 15 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
her
in
,
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: I love this Christine Carter. Good find, izze. I wish I could articulate
: like her about the flaws in Chua's parenting approach. She hit the nail
: right on the head about Chua's reversed order of success and happiness, her
: narrow definition of success and the drug-like, short-lived gratification in
: her "practice-forced mastery-happiness" circle.
: When we come to motivation, the perfectionism route has to watch out for a
: lot of negative aspects, such as depression(we had one story) and
: procrastination. I was in one of Carol Dweck's talks about growth mindset,
: where she showed convincing data to support the notion that growth mindset
: is superior to fixed mindset in helping students learn. And Chua's
| s*********9
发帖数: 225 | 16 不同的人有些不同看法，有时候觉得都有道理。
但是要运用到生活中好像挺难的，尤其是孩子不听话的时候，赶时间比较着急的时候。
感觉那么多理论自己还没学会怎么做，孩子已经长大了。
理想的父母和自己现阶段差距还是不小啊， 继续努力吧
【在 F*******t 的大作中提到】
: 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
: 习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
: 的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
:
: her
: in
: ,
| w********a
发帖数: 259 | 17 握手，知易行难呀
不过哩，个人觉得吧，虽然这些理论性的东西不太容易一下子应用到具体事情上，但它
们有助于调整观念，促进思考，是个潜移默化的过程吧，
【在 F*******t 的大作中提到】
: 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
: 习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
: 的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
:
: her
: in
: ,
| w********a
发帖数: 259 | 18 握手，知易行难呀
不过哩，个人觉得吧，虽然这些理论性的东西不太容易一下子应用到具体事情上，但它
们有助于调整观念，促进思考，是个潜移默化的过程吧，
【在 F*******t 的大作中提到】
: 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
: 习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
: 的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
:
: her
: in
: ,
| m**k
发帖数: 18660 | 19 sour grApes? This typical western style has been attacked by chinese style!
Lol run
(
Chinese
won
prioritize
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: How to Raise an Unhappy Child
: January 12, 2011 | The Main Dish | 76 Comments
: Why do so many people still believe that achievement leads to happiness?
: The media is abuzz about Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (
: see this excerpt from the Wall Street Journal). Chua argues that “Chinese
: ” mothers “are superior” because they demand absolute perfection—and won
: ’t refrain from berating, threatening, and even starving their kids until
: they’re satisfied.
: Chua acknowledges that her argument will offend softy “Western” parents,
: who prefer to coddle rather than throttle their kids—parents who prioritize
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 20 有可能是酸
cc自己也出书了 Raising Happiness,也可以说她是企图promote 自己的书
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Happiness-Simple-Happier-Parents/
其实chiness vs western 是个太loose 的定义
想必大家都知道3大parenting style吧？
[Authoritarian]
Authoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on
the children. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they
usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection. They
attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of
children for not meeting those standards. They tell children what to do,
they try to make them obey and they usually do not provide children with
choices or options.
Authoritarian parents don't explain why they want their children to do
things. If a child questions a rule or command, the parent might answer, "
Because I said so." Parents tend to focus on bad behavior, rather than
positive behavior, and children are scolded or punished, often harshly, for
not following the rules.
Children with authoritarian parents usually do not learn to think for
themselves and understand why the parent is requiring certain behaviors.
[Permissive]
Permissive parents give up most control to their children. Parents make few,
if any, rules, and the rules that they make are usually not consistently
enforced. They don't want to be tied down to routines. They want their
children to feel free. They do not set clear boundaries or expectations for
their children's behavior and tend to accept in a warm and loving way,
however the child behaves.
Permissive parents give children as many choices as possible, even when the
child is not capable of making good choices. They tend to accept a child's
behavior, good or bad, and make no comment about whether it is beneficial or
not. They may feel unable to change misbehavior, or they choose not to get
involved.
[Democratic Or Authoritative]
Democratic parents help children learn to be responsible for themselves and
to think about the consequences of their behavior. Parents do this by
providing clear, reasonable expectations for their children and explanations
for why they expect their children to behave in a particular manner. They
monitor their children's behavior to make sure that they follow through on
rules and expectations. They do this in a warm and loving manner. They often
, "try to catch their children being good" and reinforcing the good behavior
, rather than focusing on the bad.
For example, a child who leaves her toys on a staircase may be told not to
do this because, "Someone could trip on them and get hurt and the toy might
be damaged." As children mature, parents involve children in making rules
and doing chores: "Who will mop the kitchen floor, and who will carry out
the trash?"
Parents who have a democratic style give choices based on a child's ability.
For a toddler, the choice may be "red shirt or striped shirt?" For an older
child, the choice might be "apple, orange or banana?" Parents guide
children's behavior by teaching, not punishing. "You threw your truck at
Mindy. That hurt her. We're putting your truck away until you can play with
it safely."
!
【在 m**k 的大作中提到】
: sour grApes? This typical western style has been attacked by chinese style!
: Lol run
:
: (
: Chinese
: won
: prioritize
| | | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 21 well said
praise your English writing！
cc is coming for a talk on Happiness in Seattle, that's how I got this
wish Dr. Carol Dweck could come too
nowadays, "growth mind-set" is the trend, just like years ago the effort on
boosting kiddo's self-esteem :)
right now, we can't tell whether this is something that would stick (like EQ)
or something that would fade with time (like praising kiddos with Good job!
我看了一下Raising Happiness 的目录，10 steps
1. Put on your own Oxygen mask first 父母自己的需要先要满足
2. Build a village 要有支持网
3. Expect Effort and Enjoyment, not Perfection 注重努力过程而不是完美
4. Choose Gratitude, Forgiveness and Optimism 中国的儒教？感恩，宽容乐观
5. Raising their Emotional Intelligence EQ嘛
6. Form Happiness Habits 养成快乐的习惯
7. Teach Self-Discipline 培养自律
8. Enjoy the Present Moment 享受现在（不要过分纠结未来？厚厚）
9. Rig Their Environment for Happiness 把环境都给整快乐了
10.Eat Dinner Together 家庭晚餐 （这个是凑数的吧？just kidding :))
俺准备借来翻翻
her
in
, | m**k
发帖数: 18660 | 22 Spoil. Tiger mom. Or anying between..
on
they
of
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 有可能是酸
: cc自己也出书了 Raising Happiness,也可以说她是企图promote 自己的书
: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Happiness-Simple-Happier-Parents/
: 其实chiness vs western 是个太loose 的定义
: 想必大家都知道3大parenting style吧？
: [Authoritarian]
: Authoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on
: the children. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they
: usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection. They
: attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of
| E*********e
发帖数: 10297 | 23 I decide to buy a book of this Tiger mom to read when I am at the airport
【在 m**k 的大作中提到】
: Spoil. Tiger mom. Or anying between..
:
: on
: they
: of
| m**k
发帖数: 18660 | 24 Lol, u are sold!
【在 E*********e 的大作中提到】
: I decide to buy a book of this Tiger mom to read when I am at the airport
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 25 IMHO, not worth the money, especially for a hardcover :)
【在 E*********e 的大作中提到】
: I decide to buy a book of this Tiger mom to read when I am at the airport
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 26 一样
情绪上来的时候，神马都是浮云，发脾气是重点，呵呵
不过，发完脾气之后会反省一下，feel lost的时候，有些书要拿出来再看看，有些语
录要拿出来再朗诵一下，加强记忆 :)
【在 F*******t 的大作中提到】
: 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
: 习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
: 的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
:
: her
: in
: ,
| s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 27 Enjoy your pursuit of "happiness".
on
EQ)
job!
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: well said
: praise your English writing！
: cc is coming for a talk on Happiness in Seattle, that's how I got this
: wish Dr. Carol Dweck could come too
: nowadays, "growth mind-set" is the trend, just like years ago the effort on
: boosting kiddo's self-esteem :)
: right now, we can't tell whether this is something that would stick (like EQ)
: or something that would fade with time (like praising kiddos with Good job!
: 我看了一下Raising Happiness 的目录，10 steps
: 1. Put on your own Oxygen mask first 父母自己的需要先要满足
| s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 28 学习了
on
they
of
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 有可能是酸
: cc自己也出书了 Raising Happiness,也可以说她是企图promote 自己的书
: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Happiness-Simple-Happier-Parents/
: 其实chiness vs western 是个太loose 的定义
: 想必大家都知道3大parenting style吧？
: [Authoritarian]
: Authoritarian parents always try to be in control and exert their control on
: the children. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they
: usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection. They
: attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of
| s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 29 一针见血
就像我知道应该夸奖effort,而不是smart之类的，可前天难得跑去陪练钢琴，为鼓励她一激动夸她是magician on piano,结果她练了一个半小时，double了以前的纪录。可这fixed mindset的根就种下了。
不过女孩还是好骗啊。
【在 F*******t 的大作中提到】
: 问一下，你们都能把从书上，网上看来的好东西成功应用到生活中么？我虽然很喜欢学
: 习，一直在学习，但是学了都白学，着急上火起来全忘光光。我觉得不“暴力”推孩子
: 的办法，基本上都是钝刀子磨家长的办法，门槛不是一般的高。
:
: her
: in
: ,
| l*******e
发帖数: 2431 | 30 哈哈，呆地对闺女总是有很大influence阿
你这个夸的是成绩，成绩取决于effort，
所以不妨多夸 :-)
她一激动夸她是magician on piano,
结果她练了一个半小时，double了以前的纪录。可这fixed mindset的根就种下了。
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: 一针见血
: 就像我知道应该夸奖effort,而不是smart之类的，可前天难得跑去陪练钢琴，为鼓励她一激动夸她是magician on piano,结果她练了一个半小时，double了以前的纪录。可这fixed mindset的根就种下了。
: 不过女孩还是好骗啊。
| | | m****y
发帖数: 3437 | 31 Co-情绪上来的时候，神马都是浮云，发脾气是重点
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 一样
: 情绪上来的时候，神马都是浮云，发脾气是重点，呵呵
: 不过，发完脾气之后会反省一下，feel lost的时候，有些书要拿出来再看看，有些语
: 录要拿出来再朗诵一下，加强记忆 :)
| m**k
发帖数: 18660 | 32 这个要赞阿。
她一激动夸她是magician on piano,结果她练了一个半小时，double了以前的纪录。可
这fixed mindset的根就种下了。
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: 一针见血
: 就像我知道应该夸奖effort,而不是smart之类的，可前天难得跑去陪练钢琴，为鼓励她一激动夸她是magician on piano,结果她练了一个半小时，double了以前的纪录。可这fixed mindset的根就种下了。
: 不过女孩还是好骗啊。
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