h******w
发帖数: 332 | 1 I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of
sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. | h******w
发帖数: 332 | 2 An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came
to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote,
"No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in
the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of
: sleeping pills.
: My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 3 It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a
shirt and a button fell off. I picked up by briefcase
and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came
: to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote,
: "No."
: The next question, intended for people who had answered in
: the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
: The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 4 A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly
gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit
entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then
said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on
the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record,
and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really
quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said,
"Wait Wait! There's more! Th
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a
: shirt and a button fell off. I picked up by briefcase
: and the handle came off.
: I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 5 A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat
next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was
plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of
gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened
his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your
fellow man."
"Well, I'll be
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly
: gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit
: entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then
: said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on
: the street."
: Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record,
: and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
: Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really
: quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said,
: "Wait Wait! There's more! Th
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 6 A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the
tombstone
maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an
honest
man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be
confusing,
for passers-by would tend to think that three men were
buried under
the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would
inscribe,
"Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read
it,
they would be certain to remark:
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat
: next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was
: plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of
: gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened
: his newspaper and began reading.
: After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,
: "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
: "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
: wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your
: fellow man."
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 7 A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well,
son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was
down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day
polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the
apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I
spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm
for 20 cents. I continued this system
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the
: tombstone
: maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an
: honest
: man, and a lawyer."
: The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be
: confusing,
: for passers-by would tend to think that three men were
: buried under
: the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would
| f*******a
发帖数: 2662 | 8 Though it is difficult for me to read English articles,
I should say you did a great job!
hehe. | h******w
发帖数: 332 | 9 Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became
upset. "You're running around with other women," she
charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the
only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell
asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the
chest.
It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
: The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well,
: son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was
: down to my last nickel.
: I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day
: polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the
: apple for ten cents.
: The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
: I
: spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm
| g****m
发帖数: 18 | 10 I like them because i can not read Chinese on campus.
【在 f*******a 的大作中提到】
: Though it is difficult for me to read English articles,
: I should say you did a great job!
: hehe.
| | | h******w
发帖数: 332 | 11 why can't? no chinese software? u can try web though.
【在 g****m 的大作中提到】
: I like them because i can not read Chinese on campus.
| g****m
发帖数: 18 | 12 Only can read in BIG5 and EDU-TW,sign
Water more bah, thanks
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: why can't? no chinese software? u can try web though.
| g****m
发帖数: 18 | 13 BTW, did anybody here ever see the movie" Vertigo"? | h******w
发帖数: 332 | 14 台胞？
【在 g****m 的大作中提到】
: Only can read in BIG5 and EDU-TW,sign
: Water more bah, thanks
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 15 what is it about? is it good?
【在 g****m 的大作中提到】
: BTW, did anybody here ever see the movie" Vertigo"?
| f*******a
发帖数: 2662 | 16 ok.
water more.
【在 g****m 的大作中提到】
: Only can read in BIG5 and EDU-TW,sign
: Water more bah, thanks
| f*******a
发帖数: 2662 | 17 hehe.
nobody saw that movie.
【在 g****m 的大作中提到】
: BTW, did anybody here ever see the movie" Vertigo"?
| a*a
发帖数: 1295 | 18 Is it the joke you wrote?
【在 h******w 的大作中提到】
: An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came
: to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote,
: "No."
: The next question, intended for people who had answered in
: the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
: The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
| h******w
发帖数: 332 | 19 Nah
【在 a*a 的大作中提到】
: Is it the joke you wrote?
|
|
