n******8
发帖数: 558 | 1 Ceiling
I stare at a light blue ceiling.
It’s been there since my life’s beginning.
The painted clouds are still and shy,
make me imagine the peaceful sky,
the peaceful sky as told by a sage,
whose wise words never fade or age.
He warns me not to look out the window,
cause the real sky brings torrent of rain,
and blizzard of snow.
I heed his warning,
but my ears hear raining,
drop by drop,
a melody penetrating the ceiling.
I heed his warning,
but my heart keeps yearning,
day by day,
to hug the sky, not the ceiling. | d********m
发帖数: 3662 | 2 前半首有点stairways to heaven的风格
后半首有点across the universe的风格 | n******8
发帖数: 558 | 3 谢谢 喜欢 across the universe 歌和电影
【在 d********m 的大作中提到】
: 前半首有点stairways to heaven的风格
: 后半首有点across the universe的风格
| d********m
发帖数: 3662 | 4 小建议
Penetrate有点生硬，是否可以考虑多用用across the universe里的比如slithe, slip
away, drift though之类的词汇
【在 n******8 的大作中提到】
: 谢谢 喜欢 across the universe 歌和电影
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