l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 1 5)
“Are you okay?” a little voice asked.
Ray didn’t move.
“Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
“I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? |
S*******t 发帖数: 3956 | |
l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 3 哈哈,比我坐沙发还快!
【在 S*******t 的大作中提到】 : sofa~~
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M*********m 发帖数: 2024 | 4 In tears... I don't think he will just move to the other end of the city. He
will move to another side of the country...
concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
squinty eyes, R
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 5) : “Are you okay?” a little voice asked. : Ray didn’t move. : “Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice. : Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat. : “I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes?
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 5 good catch!
那是一个遗留下来的bug,本来有情节需要安排在同一城市的,后来又推翻了,但是忘
了改这一句
He
make
a
sunlight
freshly
【在 M*********m 的大作中提到】 : In tears... I don't think he will just move to the other end of the city. He : will move to another side of the country... : : concern. It was a little girl’s voice. : muttering sound emitted from back of his throat. : the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make : . She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I : have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a : whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.” : squinty eyes, R
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M*********m 发帖数: 2024 | 6 Ox ligament is really good at making up stories...
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : good catch! : 那是一个遗留下来的bug,本来有情节需要安排在同一城市的,后来又推翻了,但是忘 : 了改这一句 : : He : make : a : sunlight : freshly
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 7 我觉得好像有点跑偏了
后面比较关键,有点把握不住了,主要是一开始没有想好构思,搞得现在越写越困难,
写第5节花了前面4节加起来的时间:(
【在 M*********m 的大作中提到】 : Ox ligament is really good at making up stories...
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i*********s 发帖数: 2451 | |
i*********s 发帖数: 2451 | 9 A little girl fell on the ground just in front of him, with a pink bike on
her legs, wheels still turning.
"bike on her legs" ? A odd image, sounds to me~ |
l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 10 好像是挺怪的哈,不知道英文怎么说,瞎编了,见狂笑;)
改了一下,是不是好一点?
【在 i*********s 的大作中提到】 : A little girl fell on the ground just in front of him, with a pink bike on : her legs, wheels still turning. : "bike on her legs" ? A odd image, sounds to me~
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a******e 发帖数: 6689 | 11 结尾很棒,不过中间急躁了,跟前四篇比较这一篇陈述性过渡过多,不够视觉化。如果
分成两篇再补充点细节会不会更好? |
l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 12 多谢!
你说的真是切中要害,本来是想写两节的,后来发现自己英文不太够用,另外也想提速
,就合成一节了
另外还有就是一直没想好Maggie这个角色,到底只是一个过渡触发,还是一个重要人物
,所以写的时候摇摇摆摆。一直到现在也没决定好,感觉写不动了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】 : 结尾很棒,不过中间急躁了,跟前四篇比较这一篇陈述性过渡过多,不够视觉化。如果 : 分成两篇再补充点细节会不会更好?
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a******e 发帖数: 6689 | 13 后面还有么?还是这就是最后结尾?
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 多谢! : 你说的真是切中要害,本来是想写两节的,后来发现自己英文不太够用,另外也想提速 : ,就合成一节了 : 另外还有就是一直没想好Maggie这个角色,到底只是一个过渡触发,还是一个重要人物 : ,所以写的时候摇摇摆摆。一直到现在也没决定好,感觉写不动了
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 14 这样结尾也行吗?那就太好了,可以交差了;)
按俺的粗略估计,大概有三分之一吧,不过后面情节编不出来了,要再慢慢捂一下,呵呵
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】 : 后面还有么?还是这就是最后结尾?
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a******e 发帖数: 6689 | 15 作为短篇的话,这个结尾很棒啊。不过这样结尾的话,这一节中间肯定要好好修改一下
,太仓促了;不过要是后面还有两倍的信息,那就无所谓了。
btw,我觉得这个6000 words哪里是短篇小说的量啊,怎么也是中篇了,6000
characters还差不多。我朋友写的小说,快300页,算是挺厚的一本了,也不到五万
words而已。
呵呵
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 这样结尾也行吗?那就太好了,可以交差了;) : 按俺的粗略估计,大概有三分之一吧,不过后面情节编不出来了,要再慢慢捂一下,呵呵
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 16 好主意!待俺好好想想
6000 words 基本是最大上限了吧,不必非得寫那么多啊,一般兩三千字可能比較合適,
6000 char 稍微少了一點點,我這個5節都有8000多了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】 : 作为短篇的话,这个结尾很棒啊。不过这样结尾的话,这一节中间肯定要好好修改一下 : ,太仓促了;不过要是后面还有两倍的信息,那就无所谓了。 : btw,我觉得这个6000 words哪里是短篇小说的量啊,怎么也是中篇了,6000 : characters还差不多。我朋友写的小说,快300页,算是挺厚的一本了,也不到五万 : words而已。 : : 呵呵
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a******e 发帖数: 6689 | 17 6000 words排版出来,普通的32开大概能有35页。短篇小说讲究的是短平快,搞出30多
页不就没意思了。
適,
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 好主意!待俺好好想想 : 6000 words 基本是最大上限了吧,不必非得寫那么多啊,一般兩三千字可能比較合適, : 6000 char 稍微少了一點點,我這個5節都有8000多了
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 18 我覺得還行吧
要不就改叫小小說short-short story,一兩千字解決問題,這個比較痛快哈,就是更
難寫了。照俺英文的羅嗦程度,還沒說清楚呢,就要結束了
【在 a******e 的大作中提到】 : 6000 words排版出来,普通的32开大概能有35页。短篇小说讲究的是短平快,搞出30多 : 页不就没意思了。 : : 適,
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a******e 发帖数: 6689 | 19 这样啊。短篇跟中篇怎么分的,难道真是6000词限?
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 我覺得還行吧 : 要不就改叫小小說short-short story,一兩千字解決問題,這個比較痛快哈,就是更 : 難寫了。照俺英文的羅嗦程度,還沒說清楚呢,就要結束了
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D******6 发帖数: 6211 | 20 完了么?
concern. It was a little girl’s voice.
muttering sound emitted from back of his throat.
the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make
. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I
have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a
whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.”
squinty eyes, Ray sensed a blurred shadow dissolved into the bright sunlight
of June afternoon. An early summer breeze brought a cl
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 5) : “Are you okay?” a little voice asked. : Ray didn’t move. : “Hello? Can you hear me, Mister?” tender and crisp with a bit raised concern. It was a little girl’s voice. : Ray hardly opened his eyes and instantly closed them again. A low, muttering sound emitted from back of his throat. : “I knew you can!” the girl acclaimed and didn’t bother. She had gotten the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make. She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes?
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 21 恩,可以認為完了,像小柯說的,前面應該在充實一下,不過沒興趣改了:)
make
a
sunlight
freshly
【在 D******6 的大作中提到】 : 完了么? : : concern. It was a little girl’s voice. : muttering sound emitted from back of his throat. : the answer she needed from the ambiguous frog-like sound Ray managed to make : . She giggled a little before resumed talking. “Can you open your eyes? I : have something to show you. Oh, wait!” She shouted and hastened to add in a : whisper, “It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow.” : squinty eyes, Ray sensed a blurred shadow dissolved into the bright sunlight : of June afternoon. An early summer breeze brought a cl
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D******6 发帖数: 6211 | 22 其实我不喜欢这个故事,你太坏了,把人给写死了。:(
【在 l*r 的大作中提到】 : 恩,可以認為完了,像小柯說的,前面應該在充實一下,不過沒興趣改了:) : : make : a : sunlight : freshly
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l*r 发帖数: 79569 | 23 我也不喜歡,從小就不喜歡看悲劇
原來的構思是這樣的,俗了點,但是皆大歡喜:)
http://www.mitbbs.com/article/Literature/31157821_0.html
【在 D******6 的大作中提到】 : 其实我不喜欢这个故事,你太坏了,把人给写死了。:(
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