x**k
发帖数: 358 | 1 正在读 Parent Effectiveness Training （PET)。 这本书列出了12种communication
roadblocks。 作者认为当孩子表达出某种想法或感情时， 家长的如下反应不利于跟孩
子交流。
1. Ordering, directing, commanding
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching
4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions
5. Lecturing, teaching，giving logical argument
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
7. Praising, agreeing
8. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming
9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting
11. Probing, questioning, interrogating
12. Withdrawing, distracting, humoring, diverting.
这 4， 5， 9， 10，11 还真是常犯而不自知的错误。 我知道自己interpersonal
skills 差， 原想这玩意天生的，算了。 可发现要想跟娃斗智斗勇， 还是不得不一把
年纪从头学说话。sigh... | y****i
发帖数: 5690 | 2 我在看那本HOW To speak so kids will listen
也是感觉 自己说什么 错什么
communication
【在 x**k 的大作中提到】
: 正在读 Parent Effectiveness Training （PET)。 这本书列出了12种communication
: roadblocks。 作者认为当孩子表达出某种想法或感情时， 家长的如下反应不利于跟孩
: 子交流。
: 1. Ordering, directing, commanding
: 2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
: 3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching
: 4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions
: 5. Lecturing, teaching，giving logical argument
: 6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
: 7. Praising, agreeing
| l*******a
发帖数: 878 | 3 妈呀，这简直不能说话了。不如列怎么说是正常的，因为貌似不剩下什么了
communication
【在 x**k 的大作中提到】
: 正在读 Parent Effectiveness Training （PET)。 这本书列出了12种communication
: roadblocks。 作者认为当孩子表达出某种想法或感情时， 家长的如下反应不利于跟孩
: 子交流。
: 1. Ordering, directing, commanding
: 2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
: 3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching
: 4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions
: 5. Lecturing, teaching，giving logical argument
: 6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
: 7. Praising, agreeing
| x**s
发帖数: 1085 | 4 本来很震惊地发现自己123456都能对上，看到7，就彻底迷失了，到底该disagreeing好
还是agreeing好?要不犯6和7的错，咱是不是不表态才行？那不又违反了12.。。
突然醒悟过来，这书就是给家长设的套！
communication
【在 x**k 的大作中提到】
: 正在读 Parent Effectiveness Training （PET)。 这本书列出了12种communication
: roadblocks。 作者认为当孩子表达出某种想法或感情时， 家长的如下反应不利于跟孩
: 子交流。
: 1. Ordering, directing, commanding
: 2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
: 3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching
: 4. Advising, giving solutions or suggestions
: 5. Lecturing, teaching，giving logical argument
: 6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming
: 7. Praising, agreeing
| s****i
发帖数: 519 | 5 不能太教条。当代的教育理念一不小心就会走到另外一个极端，把孩子放手心捧着，就
怕人家的幼小心灵怎么怎么着了。我觉着吧，大条上明白这些道理就好了，比如说，先
肯定孩子的感受，比如说，要consistent。 | x**k
发帖数: 358 | 6
哈哈.
这是有语境的。说的是孩子有话要说有感情要表达的时候，怎么回答不会discourage或
distract他们。
作者推荐的反应有两种：
1. simple door-openers
"I see."
"Really."
"Is that so!"
"Go ahead, I'm listening."
"Tell me about it."
2. Active listening （Counselor们的看家本领）
The receiver tries to understand what it is the sender is feeling or what
his message means. Then he puts his understanding into his own words and
feeds it back for the sender's verification. The receiver does not send a
message of his own - such as an evaluation, opinion, advice, logic, analysis
, or question. He feeds back only what he feels the sender's message meant -
nothing more, nothing less.
Example：
Child(crying): Dylan took my truck away from me.
Parent: You sure feel bad about that - you don't like it when he does that.
Child: That is right.
Child: Boy, do I have a stupid teacher this year. i can't stand her.
Parent: Sounds like you are really disapointed with your teacher.
Child: Yeah.
【在 x**s 的大作中提到】
: 本来很震惊地发现自己123456都能对上，看到7，就彻底迷失了，到底该disagreeing好
: 还是agreeing好?要不犯6和7的错，咱是不是不表态才行？那不又违反了12.。。
: 突然醒悟过来，这书就是给家长设的套！
:
: communication
| g*********9
发帖数: 3528 | 7 “Child: Boy, do I have a stupid teacher this year. i can't stand her.
Parent: Sounds like you are really disapointed with your teacher.
Child: Yeah.”
然后
该怎么说？
【在 x**k 的大作中提到】
:
: 哈哈.
: 这是有语境的。说的是孩子有话要说有感情要表达的时候，怎么回答不会discourage或
: distract他们。
: 作者推荐的反应有两种：
: 1. simple door-openers
: "I see."
: "Really."
: "Is that so!"
: "Go ahead, I'm listening."
| x**k
发帖数: 358 | 8
（根据书中的说法）然后孩子会继续说下去。
这本书把 problems 分成两类：
1. Children own the problem. 这时家长需要知道 How to listen so kids will
talk to you. 方法就是 simple door opener and active listening。
2. The parent owns the problem. 这时家长需要知道 How to talk so kids will
listen to you.
【在 g*********9 的大作中提到】
: “Child: Boy, do I have a stupid teacher this year. i can't stand her.
: Parent: Sounds like you are really disapointed with your teacher.
: Child: Yeah.”
: 然后
: 该怎么说？
|
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