l****z
发帖数: 29846 | 1 March 5, 2012 | Posted by Baron Von Ottomatic
I have a vagina, and I insist someone pay to maintain it. You’ve come a
long way, baby. I remember when you could bring home the bacon, fry it up
in a pan, and never – never – let me forget I’m a man. A woman needs a
man like a fish needs a bicycle. You’re gonna make it after all!
It turns out a woman needs a man like a fish needs a taxpayer to subsidize
its spawning. Who knew being born with a vagina entitles you to a lifetime
of free vagina care? A set of knockers gets you free mammograms. Hey,
women have to wipe after they pee so there must be a subsidy to spare women
humiliation of running out of toilet paper. You wanna see a conspicuously
wide stance? Imagine the indignity, being caught short and having to air
dry your girlie bits in a public restroom.
You want humiliation? I once rode my bike four miles to the drugstore with
a pocketful of change I took from my little sister’s piggybank when the No
Glove, No Love edict came down. A dumbass, sweaty little punk with a hard-
on standing in front of his neighbors and Sunday School teacher holding up
the line counting out pennies trying to get the pharmacist to break up a
three pack. Like I’d ever use the other two. If he doesn’t hurry I’ll
finish against this counter before I need the one.
When there’s a will there’s a way. The Founding Fathers would probably
nod in agreement with that sentiment. Then vomit in rage when informed “a
will” is desire to force someone to violate their conscience and “a way”
is the force of the Federal government.
Rush erred by going lowbrow on that vapid, self-absorbed bint. The idea of
a 30 year-old student at a $40,000-a-year private law school testifying
before Congress about the horrors of paying for birth control is so self-
parodical the mockery practically writes itself. A sympathetic call from
Barack Obama? Too over-the-top. I would have gone with Janeane Garofalo or
something believable.
Wasn’t there a time when “Hands off my body!” or “Hands off my uterus!”
reigned supreme in feminist theory. I guess Washington is an adorable lunk
. Who could blame a gal for wanting Washington’s powerful hands on their
body?
Not long ago I saw a story on selective sex abortion. There was mention of
a law to prevent abortions based on sex – some cultures value male children
much more highly so these abortions disproportionately affect female babies
. I don’t know how you square that circle. Her body, her choice and she
could be prosecuted for choosing to abort her female baby? Would you only
be able to prosecute the father/husband for coercing her? If so, what about
if he coerced her to have an abortion without knowing the sex because it
would be bad for her career?
What if a mother aborted her female baby out of fear the costs of
reproductive health would scarcely leave her able to obtain a Doctorate
degree from a prestigious private pious university?
Vaginas are difficult to understand. I assume that’s why they were once a
private matter between a woman and her doctor. Now you consult your
Representative for vagina maintenance costing more than four dollars. And
you’re not immediately laughed at and cat-called until you run away in
shame. That says a lot America today. A wealthy beggar lobbying the state
for free rubbers from the church. And the state suffering it. I’m glad
all our other problems are solved.
Although, one of the gals at my office is having surgery on her feet and a
couple of weeks ago another was at the podiatrist. Through eavesdropping I
learned a common denominator is women’s footwear. Something about cute
shoes being somewhat uncomfortable. If only there were some plucky young
law student out there who could take up the cause of free foot care for
women. Keep your hands off my feet! I hear that one a lot.
I’ve never owned a vagina, only rented or leased, so I’m not really
familiar with the costs of maintenance. I figure it’s maybe about the same
as a car. Change the oil twice a year, rotate the tires annually and
replace every two years. Modern cars hardly need tune-ups at all. Of
course the cost of gas tilts the scale pretty heavily. And insurance. I
would wager that on balance a vagina is cheaper to maintain than a new Ford
Mustang, for example.
You win the lottery of life – you’re born white and wealthy in America –
and it just isn’t enough. You’re special. You have a vagina. You
deserve more. A life without consequences. No respect for conscience after
(or before????) choosing to attend a private religious university. No out-
of-pocket expense for birth control. What a loser.
Frankly, slut is too kind a word. A slut sleeps with everyone but you (if
you’re a guy) or the guy you wanted to sleep with (if you’re a girl),
right. She’s promiscuous. That’s an insult in America circa 2012? We
celebrate promiscuity. Well, as long as she’s a sister in good standing.
No, there’s a more appropriate word for someone who uses the power of the
state to impose their beliefs. She’s a fascist. A greedy, self-absorbed
fascist pig feeding at the trough of big government. Georgetown Law, media
cause célèbre, self-absorbed, shameless. She’ll go far. |
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