B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 1 【 以下文字转载自 Parenting 讨论区 】
发信人: APHH (hutu), 信区: Parenting
标 题: 【BSSD】儿子为什么哭了？
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Wed Nov 14 16:12:55 2012, 美东)
儿子今天学校表演。前几天我说爸爸尽量去，但是不能保证。今天早早去学校了，跟他
打了招呼，看了表演，拍了照。最后还有一个跟家长见面的活动，主要是让家长拍照。
这个活动之前我都差点走了，跟儿子都说再见了，儿子也很懂事，让我走。后来看到最
后这个活动似乎大家都在照相，我就留下了多拍了几个。后来解散了，小朋友各自跟家
长亲热。我发现儿子很有点依依不舍，几次跟我说要我今天早点接他，他可以回家做作
业 --- 平时他都说要很晚接，这样他可以多玩会 --- 说着，儿子的眼睛就红了，有一
点点泪水。我搂着他跟他逗了会，慢慢好了些，但是他还是强调要早点接他回家。我就
陪着直到老师招呼小朋友们回到教室。
儿子通常不怎么哭，像什么摔破了皮碰痛了都不会哭的，只是在我批评他的时候，说多
了他觉得很委屈，会眼睛红红的。一年到头顶多大哭两三次吧。我今天没有问他为什么
哭，问了他也不一定会说，说了我也不一定能帮忙。只是回来的路上，有点心碎，有点
累。
不知道是不是我最近两个月在忙着些苹果应用程序，有点耽误了和儿子一起活动的时间
。不过我主要是晚上写，周末还是会带他去海边或者看电影什么的，要不就一起买菜吃
中国餐馆吧。前几天他妈妈过来走了之后，刚好和儿子说起他表演的事情，我问他为什
么不跟妈妈说，让她来看。儿子说他不想。我也就没有再说什么。
从没有太认真的跟现实生活里的朋友讨论我这种情况该怎么带孩子的事情，怎么跟孩子
一起建设一个健康的心理和性格，因为不太想说，也觉得没有类似的情况也帮不上忙，
跟心理医生谈过也好像没有太大的帮助，也就是舒缓一下情绪和心理而已。想想，版上
了解我情况的也许不少，估计有可能有比较专业和建设性的建议，加上有点心烦，所以
来说说。 |
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | |
N***M
发帖数: 4295 | 3 我猜是个单亲爸爸？
【在 B******1 的大作中提到】
: Any suggestion?
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 4 Correct.
【在 N***M 的大作中提到】
: 我猜是个单亲爸爸？
|
N***M
发帖数: 4295 | 5 "我今天没有问他为什么哭，问了他也不一定会说，说了我也不一定能帮忙"
这个就有问题
听着像给自己找借口 |
f*********e
发帖数: 1906 | 6 你知道这个儿子有多大？
【在 B******1 的大作中提到】
: Correct.
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 7 6 years-old.
【在 f*********e 的大作中提到】
: 你知道这个儿子有多大？
|
f*********e
发帖数: 1906 | 8 个人认为不论是否单亲家庭，6岁左右的孩子已经开始知道一些事情了，也比较敏感，
需要和孩子更多的交流，如果是单亲就更有必要了。交流不仅仅是言语，各种方式各种
场合，尝试让孩子理解一些复杂的东西，离异的双方需要默契的配合，虽然他们因某种
原因不能再在一起生活共同抚养孩子，但是还是需要尽自己最大努力去关爱孩子，让孩
子真真切切体会到父母的爱。工作很重要，如何平衡孩子工作，见仁见智，看你把什么
放在首位。一旦做出决策，今后的付出也就无怨无悔。
个人浅见，仅供参考。
（另外哭一哭也无大碍，人之七情六欲自然流露，孩子大人都一样。）
【在 B******1 的大作中提到】
: 6 years-old.
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 9 Well said.
Most men are far less sensitive than women. A misnomer is that a man only
shows his true emotion on the bed or in his dreams. What this single parent
family shows was that a father could sense something was wrong but he just
could not put his finger on the cause. That is frustrating, to say the
least. They have to click somehow.
Forming a bond with your child(ren) is important. For example, I can make
my son laugh simply by making a face and saying "笑一笑." It never fails!
Also I know when and how to push the cherub if he procrastinates or becomes
lazy. In addition, I could decipher his intention easily by reading his
behaviors and his mind (so far), then cross-referencing with his previous
experience, his preferences and known behavior patterns.
From a mother's point of view, the child's happiness and health are likely
more important than the child's performance or competitiveness. A mother may
sooth a hurting little mind with a hug or kiss or a good dish. That is
hard for a father to do the same.
【在 f*********e 的大作中提到】
: 个人认为不论是否单亲家庭，6岁左右的孩子已经开始知道一些事情了，也比较敏感，
: 需要和孩子更多的交流，如果是单亲就更有必要了。交流不仅仅是言语，各种方式各种
: 场合，尝试让孩子理解一些复杂的东西，离异的双方需要默契的配合，虽然他们因某种
: 原因不能再在一起生活共同抚养孩子，但是还是需要尽自己最大努力去关爱孩子，让孩
: 子真真切切体会到父母的爱。工作很重要，如何平衡孩子工作，见仁见智，看你把什么
: 放在首位。一旦做出决策，今后的付出也就无怨无悔。
: 个人浅见，仅供参考。
: （另外哭一哭也无大碍，人之七情六欲自然流露，孩子大人都一样。）
|
I*D
发帖数: 40035 | |
|
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 11 Your heart is too soft for a solider . . . in a right way.
【在 I*D 的大作中提到】
: 看到这类帖子，心里就难过。。。。
|
vn
发帖数: 6191 | 12 几年前看过这个爸爸写的日记 很不容易啊
虽说是件小事 还是有点点心酸的感觉 |
I*D
发帖数: 40035 | 13 I have the same situation with my son, the only difference is he stays with
his mom....
【在 B******1 的大作中提到】
: Your heart is too soft for a solider . . . in a right way.
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 14 Fatherly love.
with
【在 I*D 的大作中提到】
: I have the same situation with my son, the only difference is he stays with
: his mom....
|
n******e
发帖数: 1137 | 15 call him more often..
with
【在 I*D 的大作中提到】
: I have the same situation with my son, the only difference is he stays with
: his mom....
|
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 16 If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love. |
B******1
发帖数: 9094 | 17 If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later. (check)
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less. (check)
I would do less correcting and more connecting. (check)
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. (check)
I would care to know less and know to care more. (working on it)
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites. (working on the kite part)
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. (check)
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. (check)
I'd do more hugging and less tugging. (working on it)
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often. (working on it)
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more. (working on it)
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love. (working on it) |
