s*****r
发帖数: 1032 | 1 I know we have dwelt on this topic for long enough, but just couldn't
help it when I saw this story:
...She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity
swim team. Student council. Advanced level piano. Harvard early
admission. An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in
Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure
salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home. Got
married...
===================================================
"Christine Lu, Co-Founder & CEO, Affinity China (lau...
No. Chinese mothers are not superior. It's clear that the author Amy
Chua has a new book out and linkbait headlines in the WSJ will help her
sell them. I understand she uses the term "Chinese Mother" to represent
a certain parenting style - one that I am very familiar with from
personal experience.
Here's my take on it. My family immigrated to the U.S. from Taiwan in
the 70s. My mother was a stay at home mom raising 4 kids and was
stereotypical strict. I lived in that household where getting a B on
your report card was a sign of failure. A lot of focus and pressure was
placed on the first child - my older sister - in the hopes that she
would set an example for the rest of us. In a very painful hindsight I
think you can say too much emphasis was placed on molding my sister into
the example my mother wanted the rest of us to follow. I don't blame her
as she did the best she could to raise us in the U.S. in the style that
she was raised ...in Taiwan.
There's a culture clash you can't overlook here. The "superior" Chinese
mother in my life had a strictly results driven, merit based mindset and
a heavy emphasis on test scores, achievements and report cards being
able to show that her daughter was better than everyone else in the
class -- which in turn was a reflection on her success as a parent.
However, the environment in which she raised us in was a different
country. One that she has honestly never gotten used to or felt
comfortable in living in. To her, the idea of having her children become
"Americanized" was looked down upon as failure. The idea of allowing a
more flexible stance, a softer tone or an expression of individualism
was out of the question. This duality of living in a very "Chinese"
household and going to school where our American teachers taught us to
be free thinking and creative were constantly at odds with each other
growing up.
Drawing from personal experience, the reason why I don't feel this works
is because I've seen an outcome that Amy Chua, the author fails to
address or perhaps has yet to experience.
My big sister was what I used to jealously call "every Asian parents wet
dream come true" (excuse the crassness, but it really does sum up the
resentment I used to feel towards her). She got straight As. Skipped 5th
grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity swim team. Student council. Advanced
level piano. Harvard early admission. An international post with the
Boston Consulting Group in Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for
her Harvard MBA. Six figure salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a
PhD. Bought a home. Got married.
Her life summed up in one paragraph above.
Her death summed up in one paragraph below.
Committed suicide a month after her wedding at the age of 30 after
hiding her depression for 2 years. She ran a plastic tube from the
tailpipe of her car into the window. Sat there and died of carbon
monoxide poisoning in the garage of her new home in San Francisco. Her
husband found her after coming home from work. A post-it note stuck on
the dashboard as her suicide note saying sorry and that she loved
everyone.
Mine is an extreme example of course. But 6 years since her passing, I
can tell you that the notion of the "superior Chinese mother" that my
mom carried with her also died with my sister on October 28, 2004. If
you were to ask my mom today if this style of parenting worked for her,
she'll point to a few boxes of report cards, trophies, piano books,
photo albums and Harvard degrees and gladly trade it all to have my
sister back.
For every success story that has resulted from the "Chinese mothers"
style of parenting, there are chapters that have yet to unfold. The
author can speak to her example of how it's worked for her but it'll be
interesting to see how long you can keep that gig up and pass it down
until something gives.
As a responsibility to herself as a "superior Chinese mother", I think
Amy Chua should do a bit of research outside her comfort zone and help
readers understand why Asian-American females have one of the highest
rates of suicide in the U.S. -- I bet many of you didn't know that. I
didn't until after the fact. It'd make a good follow up book to this one
she's currently profiting from.
***
A few years ago I got up the guts to begin sharing the story of my
sister because the more I learned about depression and suicide following
her death, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with the
stigma of depression in our society. I was also shocked to learn that
Asian-American females had one of the highest suicide rates in the U.S.
I have personally helped 2 young women in the last few years who reached
out to me as a result of sharing my story. Both the "perfect" daughters
of "superior Chinese mothers" who were sharp Ivy League grads hiding
their depression from their families and friends. I was also able to
play a role in preventing the suicide of a friend of mine several months
ago because of the awareness I've developed about depression and suicide
since my sister's passing.
I want to clarify again that my sister's story is an extreme example as
I'm not trying to say that strict "Chinese mother" style parenting will
result in all kids burning out later on in life. But I hope it also
shows that this parenting style isn't a proven template that results in
all kids turning into the success stories that author Amy Chua gives
herself credit for raising.
UPDATE: I emailed author Amy Chua
this evening (1/9). Expressed my disappointment about the WSJ piece and
pointed to this Quora thread. To my surprise I received a prompt reply
from her that said:
Dear Christine: Thank you for taking the time to write me, and I'm
so sorry about your sister. I did not choose the title of the WSJ
excerpt, and I don't believe that there is only one good way of raising
children. The actual book is more nuanced, and much of it is about
my decision to retreat from the "strict Chinese immigrant"
model.
Best of luck to you,
Amy Chua
Well,
the editor at the WSJ who made up the headline ...and her publisher
must be happy at all the buzz and traffic this excerpt has gotten.
Unfortunately, I think it comes at the expense of being able to get
across the "nuance" she speaks of and definitely doesn't indicate that
she has since retreated from the "strict Chinese immigrant" model we're
all debating. Clearly it's because we're all expected to buy the book. I
get it. Hit a nerve. Drive traffic to WSJ. Make her look evil. Penguin
sells books. She gets a cut and gets to say she was just kidding about
being a superior Chinese mother. Everyone profits there. Is that the
play? Whatever.
"
http://www.quora.com/Parenting/Is-Amy-Chua-right-when-she-expla
Chinese-Mothers-Are-Superior-in-an-op-ed-in-the-Wall-Street-Journal | m****y
发帖数: 3437 | 2 Thanks. good ZZ!
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: I know we have dwelt on this topic for long enough, but just couldn't
: help it when I saw this story:
: ...She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity
: swim team. Student council. Advanced level piano. Harvard early
: admission. An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in
: Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure
: salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home. Got
: married...
: ===================================================
: "Christine Lu, Co-Founder & CEO, Affinity China (lau...
| f******r
发帖数: 2975 | 3 读完了很伤心啊
貌似第二代评论对这种chinese mom
都非常的negative | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 4 Thanks for sharing!
Pleae do share with us when you stumble on any kind of good articles
I find this inspiring, interesting and sad at the same time | b******r
发帖数: 3206 | 5 So sad story.This sets a sadly perfect example of why exaggerating the
strictness is no good. Although I'm not sure if the death of her sister
could be directly attributed to her mom's Chinese parenting style.
Personally, I think it perhaps rooted more in the general Chinese tradition,
beyond the parenting scope, if Chinese tradition were to be blamed. Anyway,
this raised the issue again - raising Chinese kids in American environment,
the culture clash and so on. I guess we're back on the same old topic.
【在 s*****r 的大作中提到】
: I know we have dwelt on this topic for long enough, but just couldn't
: help it when I saw this story:
: ...She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity
: swim team. Student council. Advanced level piano. Harvard early
: admission. An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in
: Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure
: salary. Oracle. Peoplesoft. Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home. Got
: married...
: ===================================================
: "Christine Lu, Co-Founder & CEO, Affinity China (lau...
| i**e
发帖数: 19242 | 6 my understanding
the death is the combination of
personal temperament
parenting/clutural tyle
bad timing
tradition,
Anyway,
environment,
【在 b******r 的大作中提到】
: So sad story.This sets a sadly perfect example of why exaggerating the
: strictness is no good. Although I'm not sure if the death of her sister
: could be directly attributed to her mom's Chinese parenting style.
: Personally, I think it perhaps rooted more in the general Chinese tradition,
: beyond the parenting scope, if Chinese tradition were to be blamed. Anyway,
: this raised the issue again - raising Chinese kids in American environment,
: the culture clash and so on. I guess we're back on the same old topic.
|
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