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全部话题 - 话题: resentment
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T*******y
发帖数: 6523
1
来自主题: Family版 - 突然觉得婚姻很没意思
Please read the book "The nice girl syndromes".
You sound to be unhappy in this relationship for a long time and you have
ignored your own needs. You put others' need before your own, and you take
it for granted that you'd rather others hurt you than you hurt others. What
happens is that you resent such endless sacrifices. Being a nice girl is
unhealthy not only for you, but also for the people around you.
Solution: figure out your own needs and satisfy them First and Foremost. It'
s not being s... 阅读全帖
M*****y
发帖数: 601
2
来自主题: Family版 - 郁闷,老公执意要回国
别羡慕其它老婆们~每个人都各自有各自的生活之苦与乐。
现在看来只是你心理更看重什么了-是更看中孩子的未来,还是跟LG的关系。也许,就
說也許,你跟LG回國後,LG很appreciate感激你。On the other hand, if you don't
go back, your LG will plant a seed of resentment. And moreover, your kid won
't appreciate how you made such a sacrifice and effort to stay in American
for HIM/HER.
Obviously, your husbang isn't happy everyday. Shouldn't you support him as
his wife? Not judging you in any way, but listen to yourself: you said... 他
去拼事业,就让我累死?how can he not be 累 while he 去拼事业?
I think ul... 阅读全帖
n*********0
发帖数: 1543
3
这种事情,是要被欺骗背叛方决定什么时候可以原谅,可以重新相信。 rage,
depression什么的都要反反复复来来回回很久。
过错方只有忏悔再忏悔,诚意再诚意耐心等待。什么时候恢复正常,是victim一方决定
的。她伤还没好,自然一碰就痛。情绪resentment什么的都是强压抑下去了,理智想维
持这个婚姻,但压下去的情绪一扰动就爆发了。所以她拒绝接触是自我防护的反应。
其实是她还没伤愈,时间还不够久。
时间久了,伤害慢慢会减弱,也许能真原谅放下。
那男人是过错方,施害方,去学习下外遇后怎么挽救,受害方怎么恢复,很多材料的。
要真想挽救,就要明白,女方现在的做法都是很典型的。需要时间。
f*******e
发帖数: 603
4
来自主题: FleaMarket版 - sorry, i deleted today's message (转载)
【 以下文字转载自 ebiz 讨论区 】
发信人: fairprice (fairprice), 信区: ebiz
标 题: sorry, i deleted today's message
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Wed Oct 28 13:07:44 2009, 美东)
if you sold me gift card or amazon code today, please resent again, I forget
your id too, so have to post it here.
m******u
发帖数: 1213
5
来自主题: FleaMarket版 - Just Got the Garmin 765T from Amazon
Ordered 2/3 weeks ago early in the morning.
Amazon shipped and got lost in Transit.
They resent them to me yesterday by one day shipping.
Lucky that I finanly got three.
If I know I could get it at that price, I will buy at least 100.
Best deal of 2009
b*****e
发帖数: 1125
6
来自主题: Investment版 - 居然收了我两次交易费
I think it depends on how long your order will stay in the order book. I
believe you send a limit order so it's not guranteed that your order will be
filled within one day. So if it was resent on the second day and there is a
transcation, your will be charged an extra time. If your order was filled
multiple times within a day, the borker should still charge you one time
transcation fee since your order was only sent to the exchange for one time.
b********a
发帖数: 15
7
来自主题: JobHunting版 - first job offer
gxgx. Many good news in this board resently.
h*****8
发帖数: 52
8
来自主题: JobHunting版 - 2011 OPT 统计与交流贴
我遇到了同样的情况,现在很着急,想请教一下。
我5月3号收到recipt,6.6approvel的。因为搬家只在Post office改了地址,所以ead卡
寄丢了。
问题是我7月份才明白过来,offical mail 邮局不给转,大概7月7日打电话过去申请
resent opt.他们给了我一个confirmation num.,说等30天左右,也没让交钱或重新寄
申请材料什么的。
请问一下,像这种情况我应该怎么办?
拜托了,最近都急死了,为了这个破卡,哎。。。。
h*****8
发帖数: 52
9
来自主题: JobHunting版 - 2011 OPT 统计与交流贴
我遇到了同样的情况,现在很着急,想请教一下。
我5月3号收到recipt,6.6approvel的。因为搬家只在Post office改了地址,所以ead卡
寄丢了。
问题是我7月份才明白过来,offical mail 邮局不给转,大概7月7日打电话过去申请
resent opt.他们给了我一个confirmation num.,说等30天左右,也没让交钱或重新寄
申请材料什么的。
请问一下,像这种情况我应该怎么办?
拜托了,最近都急死了,为了这个破卡,哎。。。。
t********n
发帖数: 1075
10
From my experience, most likely the better you perform right now, the more
resentful she will feel about your leaving.....

室啥的 呵呵
G******i
发帖数: 5226
11
来自主题: JobHunting版 - [合集] 2011 OPT 统计与交流贴
☆─────────────────────────────────────☆
jzzhang (爆米花) 于 (Wed Jun 29 10:06:07 2011, 美东) 提到:
VSC
4.29 received
6.16 initial review
☆─────────────────────────────────────☆
jzzhang (爆米花) 于 (Wed Jun 29 10:07:53 2011, 美东) 提到:
VSC 加急了2次都遭拒了 我怕公司真的等不了了 有木有4.29号收到的童鞋
☆─────────────────────────────────────☆
qqfly (qq fly) 于 (Wed Jun 29 10:49:32 2011, 美东) 提到:
VSC
4.29 received
6.29 initial review
中间加急一次被拒
☆─────────────────────────────────────☆
jetchen (飞机) 于 (Wed Jun 29 10:50:21 2011, 美... 阅读全帖
P*******1
发帖数: 169
12
“For many American PIs, they still write good letters for students even if
they quit.”
So what? So did I. I wrote two letters for my students who quit in the
middle. I said, give me a reasonable reason! This student is already
planning to quit before he even comes. How many American PIs do you know? I
have plenty of them around me that complain a lot about current Chinese
students, and for “National” reasons I had to defend for them, trying to
look for excuses for them. One American professor ne... 阅读全帖
l**********n
发帖数: 16
13
来自主题: JobHunting版 - OPT receipt被邮局return了
我的mailbox上的确没写名字 住过很多地方都没写 都没问题 不排除这个可能性
只有重要的邮件会被return么?我还是有收到别的邮件的
问了邮局 邮局说要退信所有信都会退 只退一封应该是什么mistake 唉~~~
现在已经写上名字 希望能顺利收到resent的notice 不知道USCIS要多久才会resend :)
l**********n
发帖数: 16
14
来自主题: JobHunting版 - 请问opt多久收到receipt
我4月19日的receipt date一直没收到receipt 然后5月16日显示receipt被邮局return
了 郁闷啊 明明地址什么都没有错 打电话让resent 说15天内等消息 过了一周了还是
没任何消息 唉。。。 希望lz不要像我这么倒霉
w**z
发帖数: 8232
15
来自主题: JobHunting版 - How To: Handle a Counteroffer
转:How To: Handle a Counteroffer
You've successfully completed the interview stage and have been offered the
job. You’ve negotiated a package you are happy with and now it’s time to
start thinking about your exit strategy. You arrange a meeting with your
boss and start planning your resignation.
How do you approach the subject? You start explaining your decision process
and how you’ve decided to leave the company to go to another opportunity.
Then your boss surprises you with a counteroffer. Your... 阅读全帖
t*******m
发帖数: 1893
16
My coworker spent thousands of dollars to level one bedroom on the second
floor. Not good.
She and her husband listened to their agent's persuasion and bought that
house. She was still resentful and regretful.
z*****a
发帖数: 3809
17
【 以下文字转载自 Parenting 讨论区 】
发信人: zhubaba (花园野猪), 信区: Parenting
标 题: Poor parents struggling on $400,000 a year
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Sun Oct 7 23:52:03 2012, 美东)
http://tinyurl.com/8sr9b7b
I earn 200k and my DH [dear husband] earns 200k. Total HHI [household income
] is 400k. We have 2 children. We could afford to send them to private
school, but we would have to scrape and forgo a lot (especially since our
HHI is only 350k after nanny) and we would not qualify for financial aid.
However, if I quit my... 阅读全帖
l**h
发帖数: 7994
18
来自主题: Living版 - Hollywood大片正在LA上演
追捕进行时,现在LA附近草木皆兵。
愚蠢可耻的LAPD.
From: Christopher Jordan Dorner /7648
To: America
Subj: Last resort
Regarding CF# 07-004281
I know most of you who personally know me are in disbelief to hear from
media reports that I am suspected of committing such horrendous murders and
have taken drastic and shocking actions in the last couple of days. You are
saying to yourself that this is completely out of character of the man you
knew who always wore a smile wherever he was seen. I know I will be vilified
by ... 阅读全帖
f*****o
发帖数: 1151
19
just resent it. check again.
o**********y
发帖数: 2
20
My daughter had urgent care out of state and I got a bill for out-patient
visit. My insurrance (Blue Shield and Blude Cross PPO) should cover this
urgent care other than the $15 copay. But the bill said I need to pay an
deductable more than the copay.
Called BSBC whoe said the clinic sent a outpatient claim not the urgent care
one. And I should call the clinic to ask them to resent the bill.
I did call the clinic and they said:
1)they use an TaxID for urgent care but some insurrance companies tr
t****n
发帖数: 24
21
来自主题: Money版 - 被CHASE拒绝了
申请的是那个Chase FreedomSM Visa - $100 Bonus Cash Back
我现在有CITI的CC,有两年了吧。然后一张AMEX的BLUE什么,今年5月申请的。再上一
次申请的应该是08年的事情了,当时被WAMU拒绝了。
他们拒绝我理由是:
Insufficient lenght of credit history
Presence of a resent inquiry
High percentage of credit profile consists of credit cards
来自EXPERIAN
第一个我觉得说服力不够
第二个,我前面说了,这两年就上次的WAMU和5月的AMEX了。可能5月离现在太近了?
第三个不是很明白什么意思,欠信用卡公司钱比例太高?我AMEX的还请很久了。CITI估
计比例就10%-15%这样吧。我不觉得高。
d*****h
发帖数: 202
22
来自主题: Money版 - 被CHASE拒绝了
第三个是说你信用记录里只有信用卡, 没有车贷房贷吧. 传说中的信用比例不健康,
同时有车贷房贷和信用卡被认为是最好的, 不过呢, 欲加之罪何患无辞.
第二个看上去是说你最近申过他家? 如果是最近hard太多会说too many inquiries
之类的, 你这个说的是resent. 重复提交?
G*******s
发帖数: 4956
23
来自主题: Money版 - BOA开cc 500反300又活了,新link
1 Any Direct Deposits completed at the time your application is processed wi
ll be Balance Transfers.
2 Bank Cash Advances include ATM, Over-the-Counter, Same-Day Online, Overdra
ft Protection, Returned Payment and Cash Equivalent (money orders, foreign c
urrency, and travelers checks from a non-financial institution, person-to-pe
rson money transfers, bets, lottery tickets, casino gaming chips and bail bo
nds) Cash Advances.
More Information about Penalty Fees and Penalty APR
Penalty Fees: If y... 阅读全帖
t****7
发帖数: 11132
24
resent again. will work
n*******y
发帖数: 3337
25
Mar 9, 14, 12:36 pm #53
EagleTX
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 9

I would say maybe around 100k$ that did get credited back to my Citibank
card - but miles didn't go deducted from my AA Frequent flyer. make sense?
I can see that they are been very serious.
But based on the Analyst AA J. C. research (she didn't give me any, nothing,
no details at all - only saying the following) she just requested:
My name is J. C., and I am an analyst with American Airlines. One of my
responsibilities is in... 阅读全帖
m****l
发帖数: 528
26
刚打电话要resention offer,
客服说没有,然后转到 loyalty program
给了2个additional club pass。
就没了。
是不是给的太少了?
这个卡已经拿了3年了,去年花了1W+的钱。
我是不是应该再打电话要一下呢?
t*******5
发帖数: 6095
27
If you do not receive, contact seller. All cards will be resent.
n*********e
发帖数: 318
28
来自主题: Money版 - saks 5th ave 是砣屎!
saks 5th ave 是砣Shxx! last year because the spend $400 get points, I
ordered $500 e-gift card for my friend as wedding gift delivered to their E-
mail address, after a month without any notice (such as thanks) from the
friend. called the shxx 5th ave, and they said did not sent out yet! asked
them to resent but my friends wedding date has passed. how embarrassing to
attend a wedding without gift! finally did not earn any points maybe the
promotion has expired or something. THIS TIME DONT EVEN BOT... 阅读全帖
S****Y
发帖数: 436
29
来自主题: NextGeneration版 - Amazon 20% Code专贴(updated)
mm, I have sent you the codes a couple hrs ago, but don't know why you didn'
t received them. Sorry for waitting but I didn't check email this afternoon.
I have resent them to you, please check your email. Just like you said,
these codes worth only a couple bucks, nobody will take advantage of them.
p********2
发帖数: 9939
30
I didn't get it. Please resent. which one would you like to have? By the way, I like baozis
c********e
发帖数: 51
31
妹妹的情况和我很相似。只是我没有双胞胎。我也时常有一样的感触。有了二宝就少了
时间陪大宝。四岁正是淘气,而四个月的二宝又离不开大人。
转篇文章共享吧。
Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our
magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me
that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another
child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to
share me as youve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love on... 阅读全帖
a*****g
发帖数: 19398
32
来自主题: NextGeneration版 - Teaching math concepts boosts student understanding
Teaching math concepts boosts student understanding
Elementary students' math skills improve when they learn the concepts behind
a problem before learning the skills needed to solve a problem, according t
o a recent study. Researchers found that 67% of the students in the study wh
o learned concepts first solved more problems with accuracy, compared with 4
4% of students who did not learn concepts first. Chalkbeat/Tennessee (8/13)
Students are more likely to be able to solve math problems if the... 阅读全帖
a***r
发帖数: 420
33
来自主题: Overseas版 - 怎么催推荐信啊
非常old的话题了,到自己身上还是比较纠结。转校申请,寒假前就跟老师说了,答应
得好好的,现在deadline马上到了,有点着急。请大家评估一下以下行为的强烈程度及
预期效果:
1.发邮件,resent reminder,once per week—>once per day
2.直接冲办公室,说我是来提醒你提交推荐信的。。。
3.打办公室电话
4.打手机
事实上1、2已经采用过了,邮件石沉大海,人被告知开会去了,下周才回来,deadline
这个周末。。。打电话是不是不太好?共事了半个学期的老师,人很忙,一向回邮件很
慢,也是相交不够吧
i**e
发帖数: 19242
34
我对强行抱走没有意见,也干过;
不过,我希望干的时候,我是firm and calm, 没有resentful feelings;
孩子当然会不高兴大哭,但是没有anger exchange;
是做需要做的事情,而不是情绪的宣泄,情绪化的reaction
看过很多次娃娃被抱走的例子,每次的感觉不一样,对不对?
i**e
发帖数: 19242
35
现在你看到女儿想到女儿,心里有没有resentful的感觉,就是有点讨厌这个孩子?
如果没有最好,如果有,你的赶紧把这个感觉整得更positive
我会外婆在时候,外婆带的时候,不插手,俺才不会去当警察呢 :)
晚上睡觉的事,外婆走之后,你们有打算么?接着陪,还是让小孩自己睡?
白天的事,你自己带娃的时候,多观察,看看问题在哪里,自己多想想办法,在娃情绪
稳定之后,让娃自己想想办法。
比如这个半路要外婆的事,俺看着就是累了,希望有个人抱一下。孩子闹得时候不要急
着答应,好好,俺这就打电话给外婆;好好,我抱你我抱你,别哭闹了
俺会等孩子哭闹过后,然后说,你是不是很累,走不动了?那妈妈抱一会,然后你自己
下来走一会?走不动了,可以告诉妈妈,咱们看看有什么办法。
分事情,分地点场合
俺看着,你们家是外婆的热带,爸妈的南北极
非东就是西,没个中间温和的地带 :)
俺自己的经验,孩子哭闹情绪化的时候,干什么都是白搭
俺自己是不会关黑屋,强行timeout地
你让她哭闹,旁边蹲着,不就是timeout了么?用不着那么气势汹汹地timeout吧
不需要外婆,俺不是在家闲着嘛,俺也可以把孩子带成这样的... 阅读全帖
m*********7
发帖数: 5207
36
Of course, after these parents' best effort to help their kids (discipline,
therapy, etc), if the kids are still not making enough progress, other
parents have the right to be resentful. But to say 咎由自取 is too much.
l*******a
发帖数: 438
37
来自主题: Parenting版 - Where are you from---困惑中
A nice article:
http://articles.cnn.com/2010-04-05/opinion/bayoumi.who.am.i_1_q
'Where are you from?' is not the right question
April 05, 2010|By Moustafa Bayoumi, Special to CNN
We all have things that we can't stand but must routinely put up with. Here
are a few of mine: slow elevators, outrageous bank fees and being asked the
question, "Where are you from?"
Everybody hates the first two, but why am I so opposed to the last one?
For starters, I know the impatient looks that will follow when I ... 阅读全帖
b*********n
发帖数: 2975
38
来自主题: Parenting版 - Where are you from---困惑中
实际上这是个很普遍的问题,在中国, 也就是在咱们这儿, 也是常有人好奇问这个问题
象这样的就很不容易回答,后来我就琢磨了个办法, 尽量找一个最容易让对方满足好奇
心的
答案,虽然这个答案不一定准确,呵呵

A nice article:
http://articles.cnn.com/2010-04-05/opinion/bayoumi.who.am.i_1_q
'Where are you from?' is not the right question
April 05, 2010|By Moustafa Bayoumi, Special to CNN
We all have things that we can't stand but must routinely put up with. Here
are a few of mine: slow elevators, outrageous bank fees and being asked the
question, "Where are you from?"
Everybody hates the first two, but... 阅读全帖
d*****1
发帖数: 8
39
Sunday in the Park
Bel Kaufman
It was still warm in the late-afternoon sun, and the city noises came
muffled through the trees in the park. She put her book down on the bench,
removed her sunglasses, and sighed contentedly. Morton was reading the
Times Magazine section, one arm flung around her shoulder; their three-year-
old son, Larry, was playing in the sandbox: a faint breeze fanned her hair
softly against her cheek. It was five-thirty of a Sunday afternoon, and the
small playground, tuck... 阅读全帖
z*****a
发帖数: 3809
40
来自主题: Parenting版 - Poor parents struggling on $400,000 a year
http://tinyurl.com/8sr9b7b
I earn 200k and my DH [dear husband] earns 200k. Total HHI [household income
] is 400k. We have 2 children. We could afford to send them to private
school, but we would have to scrape and forgo a lot (especially since our
HHI is only 350k after nanny) and we would not qualify for financial aid.
However, if I quit my job and became a SAHM [stay at home mom], we would
have a HHI of 200k, which would put us in the realm of financial aid (AND we
could save the 50k+ cost of... 阅读全帖
i*******t
发帖数: 499
41
真倒霉
我可能就搬家了因为怕麻烦。这种人自然不会有好下场。
这里有些信息
http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/12-steps-to-dealing-with
和其它邻居谈谈是个好办法。看看大家是不是都不喜欢这家垃圾。这样你也可以得到更
多支持同情,让垃圾更孤立。如果是个好区,其他人应该都好都会帮你。要不然还是快
搬家。
还有几点可能有用的:
3. Document the problem. When an issue comes up, start keeping notes –
times, dates, and photos if necessary. This can help in three ways. First,
it helps you evaluate the seriousness of the problem: Looking at it on paper
, you may realize it’s not as big a deal or you might see a solution.
Second, you h... 阅读全帖
f****t
发帖数: 1770
42
不少的朋友问关于Assertiveness的培训,这个是公司培训。这也是沟通技巧的一个重
要方面,有很多的书,网上也有资料。
这里我摘抄一些原则给大家怎么develop assertiveness,希望对小孩和大人都有帮助。
Some people are naturally more assertive than others. If your disposition
tends more towards being either passive or aggressive, you need to work on
the following skills to develop your assertiveness.
1。Value yourself and your rights
Understand that your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires are
just as important as everyone else's.
But remember they are not more impor... 阅读全帖
i**e
发帖数: 19242
43
别的我退出讨论了,就说说这个“如果大家都不是圣人,为啥理解一个,不理解另外一
个。”
越是普通人越是只能理解自己能理解的
对别人能理解的不一定能理解
有的人甚至会resent排斥批斗
a*****g
发帖数: 19398
44
Teaching math concepts boosts student understanding
Elementary students' math skills improve when they learn the concepts behind
a problem before learning the skills needed to solve a problem, according t
o a recent study. Researchers found that 67% of the students in the study wh
o learned concepts first solved more problems with accuracy, compared with 4
4% of students who did not learn concepts first. Chalkbeat/Tennessee (8/13)
Students are more likely to be able to solve math problems if the... 阅读全帖
d****g
发帖数: 7460
45
来自主题: Parenting版 - 什么时候给孩子引入方程概念
这个乌龟问题的火,会不会跟 the fault of our stars 有关?
There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and
an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set
of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are
bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There
are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want
more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for
Augustus ... 阅读全帖
u*****a
发帖数: 6276
46
Three-year-old Sally was playing happily in the kitchen while her mother
cleaned up the dinner dishes. As Sally's mom turned to collect another plate
from the table, she noticed a puddle on the floor under Sally's feet. "
Sally, honey, did you wet your pants?" Sally shook her head and said, "My
shoes did it."
Clearly, Sally has told her mother a lie. Like most parents, you might feel
shocked — angry, hurt, or even betrayed — when you first discover your
child has lied. But if you can step back a... 阅读全帖
G**T
发帖数: 2610
47
来自主题: Parenting版 - parenting upwards
嗯, 我今天心情好,再来灌一壶,试图回答你的问题 -- 对了,那些不愤气的id--
波斯顿屌丝,还有tiki: 我就是喜欢给人出主意,受不了? 生气去吧! -- 好,
言归正传,see inline...AND after:

Yes, it is ok! Don't torture yourself.
Yes, it is ok! as long as you consider yourself weak and worthless, i.e. a
victim who never grew up.
Yes, it is ok! as long as you never need to grow up, to become yourself --
you can always feel you are just a part of them -- an afterthought by them,
instead of becoming yourself.
are worse?
Yes, of course you can, because they probably are inde... 阅读全帖
G**T
发帖数: 2610
48
来自主题: Parenting版 - parenting upwards
嗯, 我今天心情好,再来灌一壶,试图回答你的问题 -- 对了,那些不愤气的id--
波斯顿屌丝,还有tiki: 我就是喜欢给人出主意,受不了? 生气去吧! -- 好,
言归正传,see inline...AND after:

Yes, it is ok! Don't torture yourself.
Yes, it is ok! as long as you consider yourself weak and worthless, i.e. a
victim who never grew up.
Yes, it is ok! as long as you never need to grow up, to become yourself --
you can always feel you are just a part of them -- an afterthought by them,
instead of becoming yourself.
are worse?
Yes, of course you can, because they probably are inde... 阅读全帖
s**********1
发帖数: 4651
49
【 以下文字转载自 WaterWorld 讨论区 】
发信人: Sande710 (SD主妇), 信区: WaterWorld
标 题: 【哈佛大学推荐】20个快乐的习惯
关键字: 快乐 智慧
发信站: BBS 未名空间站 (Thu Mar 19 13:57:53 2015, 美东)
1. Be grateful.
要学会感恩。
Slow down, look around you, and pay attention to the little details in your
life – the delicate purple flower on the sidewalk, the beautiful sunset,
the hot shower that washes away your long day, and the smile in your partner
’s eyes…
让自己变慢脚步,看看你的四周,关注生活中的细微之处:人行道上淡紫色的花,美丽
的日落,洗去你一天疲惫的淋浴,伴侣眼中的笑容。
When you have a grateful heart that... 阅读全帖
a*o
发帖数: 25262
50
来自主题: Parenting版 - 别让爱成为孩子的负担 ZZ
别让爱成为孩子的负担
戴维·布鲁克斯
如今的育儿有两大关键特征。第一,现在的孩子得到空前多的夸赞。桃乐丝·帕克(
Dorothy Parker)曾经开玩笑说,美国的孩子不是抚养大的,是激励大的。他们得到了
饮食、庇护与喝彩。这话在今天更是无比正确。人们不断对孩子说他们如何如何特别。
第二个关键特征是孩子受到了前所未有的锻造磨砺。在精英体制下,竞争空前激烈。父
母比以往更担心孩子能否进入优秀大学,踏上职场坦途。比起以前几代人,现在的父母
会花更多的时间对孩子的技能和履历进行投入,开车送他们去训练和排练。
这两大倾向——更多的夸赞和更多的磨砺——是紧密结合的。孩子沉溺在爱中,但那爱
是有指向的。父母向孩子倾注无限的感情,但那是精英至上的感情。其中掺杂着帮助孩
子取得世俗成功的欲望。
而这时常会表现为操纵欲。父母无意中用他们的微笑和皱眉作了向导,让孩子往他们认
为可以通往成功的行为发展。孩子努力学习、训练、得第一名、进入名牌大学,会让父
母心中充满欣喜。
这样的爱是基于价值判断的。它不是单纯的“我爱你”。它是“我爱那个在我的平衡木
上不掉下来的你。只要你在上面,我会给你无尽的赞扬和体贴”。
... 阅读全帖
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