c**m
发帖数: 1632 | 1 Sometimes I think I am a garbage collector. People move on fast in life and
throw stuffs around. I just consider these stuffs precious and store them in
my memory and now and then, hold them in my palms and examine them over and
over.
I used to have such a "fabulous" memory according to the mathematical
physics teacher. I could recall the statistical weights of orthonormal
functions and the additive and analytic behaviors of these functions. I used
to sit down on my bed and think about the conformal mapping of piecewise
functions and I could compute 4x4 digits multiplications easily and square/
cubic root and I figured out a way to compute the results to arbitrary
accuracy and verify them to the 10th decimal point, etc... Not much to show
but it is a time my mind is so calm and I know I remember I feel.
I used to talk with Z about this mind game of consciousness and how we could
know-remember-feel deeper and deeper recursively. On that day when I saw
the movie "Inception", I found the same idea being played out in a
mechanical way; while we used to be so "poetic" in that game and we even
invented a philosophical term called "poetic presence" for it.
Some people commented on my poetry and said, "you know how to make up a
scenario". They don't know actually I "experienced" it. Being trapped in the
fate of "ring finger longer than the index finger", I imagine and feel the
feeling I might have in that imaginative environment. And then the thought
becomes so intense and overwhelms my sensations that I know I "experienced"
it. All my past memories fueled my imagination and empowered me to achieve
this.
Borges once wrote an article on "Dream Tiger" and his ontological proof of
the existence of God by his sudden sense of stray birds. I know what he
meant and he was on the same boat of this game of playing with one's
consciousness.
That's probably why memory is so important to me. It's the fuel of all these
activities. She would say, "能够放得下过去，才能更轻松的前行。" For me, it
would be a change in my self-consciousness and I guess that's why I could
not be doing what she said.
In Forrest Gump, there is a famous quote like "you've got to put the past
behind you before you can move on", and for a collector like me, frankly, I
never did really have moved on..... |
|
