J*******g 发帖数: 8775 | 1 十三
我自小就憎恨读希腊文,究竟什么原因,即在今天我还是不能明白。我酷爱拉丁文,当
然不是启蒙老师教的,而是所谓文法先生教的拉丁文,因为学习阅读、书写、计算时所
读的初步拉丁文,和一切希腊文一样,在我是同样感到艰涩而厌倦。什么缘故?当然是
随着罪恶和渺茫的生命而来的:“我是血气,不过是一阵去而不返的风。”[24]我过去
和现在所以能阅读各种书籍和写出我所要写的文字都靠我早年所读的书;这些最早获得
的学识,比了逼我背诵的不知哪一个埃涅阿斯的流浪故事[25],当然更好、更可靠。当
时我为狄多的死,为她的失恋自尽[26]而流泪;而同时,这可怜的我,对那些故事使我
离弃你天主而死亡,却不曾流一滴泪。
还有比我这个不知可怜自己的可怜人,只知哭狄多的殉情而不知哭自己因不爱你天主、
我心灵的光明、灵魂的粮食、孕育我精神思想的力量而死亡的人更可怜吗?我不爱你,
我背弃你而趋向邪途,我在荒邪中到处听到“好啊!好啊!”的声音。人世间的友谊是
背弃你而趋于淫乱,“好啊!好啊!”的喝采声,是为了使我以不随波逐浪为可耻。对
这些我不痛哭,却去痛哭:
“狄多的香消玉陨,以剑自刎”。[27]
我背弃了你,却去追逐着受造物中最不堪的东西;我这一团泥土只会钻入泥土,假如有
人禁止我阅读,我便伤心,因为不能阅读使我伤心的书本。当时认为这些荒诞不经的文
字,比起我阅读书写的知识,是更正经、更有价值的文学。
现在,请我的天主,请你的真理在我心中响亮地喊吧:“不是如此,不是如此。最先受
的教育比较好得多!”我宁愿忘掉埃涅阿斯的流浪故事和类似的文字,不愿忘掉阅读书
写的知识。文法学校门口挂着门帘,这不是为了保持学术的珍秘,却更好说是掩盖着那
里的弊病。他们不必哗然反对我,我已不再害怕他们,我现在是在向你、我的天主,向
你诉说我衷心所要说的,我甘愿接受由于我过去流连歧途应受的谴责,使我热爱你的正
道。请那些买卖文法的人们不用叫喊着反对我,因为如果我向他们提一个问题:“是否
真的如诗人所说,埃涅阿斯到过迦太基?”学问差一些的将回答说不知道,明白一些的
将说没有这回事。如果我问埃涅阿斯的名字怎样写,凡读过书的人都能正确答复,写出
依据人与人之间约定通行的那些符号。如果我再问:忘掉阅读,忘掉书写,比起忘掉这
种虚构的故事诗,哪一样更妨害生活?那末谁都知道凡是一个不完全丧失理智的人将怎
样答复。
我童年时爱这种荒诞不经的文字过于有用的知识,真是罪过。可是当时“一一作二、二
二作四”,在我看来是一种讨厌的歌诀,而对于木马腹中藏着战士啊,大火烧特洛伊城
啊, “克利攸塞的阴魂出现”[28]啊,却感到津津有味!
[24] 见《诗篇》77首39节。
[25] 埃涅阿斯(Aeneas)是罗马诗人味吉尔(公元前70—19)所著《埃涅依斯》史诗
中的主角。
[26] 《埃涅依斯》诗中迦太基女王。
[27] 见《埃涅依斯》卷六,457句。
[28] 见《埃涅依斯》卷二,772句。
CHAPTER XIII
20. But what were the causes for my strong dislike of Greek literature,
which I studied from my boyhood? Even to this day I have not fully
understood them. For Latin I loved exceedingly--not just the rudiments, but
what the grammarians teach. For those beginner’s lessons in reading,
writing, and reckoning, I considered no less a burden and pain than Greek.
Yet whence came this, unless from the sin and vanity of this life? For I was
“but flesh, a wind that passeth away and cometh not again.” Those first
lessons were better, assuredly, because they were more certain, and through
them I acquired, and still retain, the power of reading what I find written
and of writing for myself what I will. In the other subjects, however, I was
compelled to learn about the wanderings of a certain Aeneas, oblivious of
my own wanderings, and to weep for Dido dead, who slew herself for love. And
all this while I bore with dry eyes my own wretched self dying to thee, O
God, my life, in the midst of these things.
21. For what can be more wretched than the wretch who has no pity upon
himself, who sheds tears over Dido, dead for the love of Aeneas, but who
sheds no tears for his own death in not loving thee, O God, light of my
heart, and bread of the inner mouth of my soul, O power that links together
my mind with my inmost thoughts? I did not love thee, and thus committed
fornication against thee. Those around me, also sinning, thus cried out: “
Well done! Well done!” The friendship of this world is fornication against
thee; and “Well done! Well done!” is cried until one feels ashamed not to
show himself a man in this way. For my own condition I shed no tears, though
I wept for Dido, who “sought death at the sword’s point,” while I myself
was seeking the lowest rung of thy creation, having forsaken thee; earth
sinking back to earth again. And, if I had been forbidden to read these
poems, I would have grieved that I was not allowed to read what grieved me.
This sort of madness is considered more honorable and more fruitful learning
than the beginner’s course in which I learned to read and write.
22. But now, O my God, cry unto my soul, and let thy truth say to me: “Not
so, not so! That first learning was far better.” For, obviously, I would
rather forget the wanderings of Aeneas, and all such things, than forget how
to write and read. Still, over the entrance of the grammar school there
hangs a veil. This is not so much the sign of a covering for a mystery as a
curtain for error. Let them exclaim against me--those I no longer fear--
while I confess to thee, my God, what my soul desires, and let me find some
rest, for in blaming my own evil ways I may come to love thy holy ways.
Neither let those cry out against me who buy and sell the baubles of
literature. For if I ask them if it is true, as the poet says, that Aeneas
once came to Carthage, the unlearned will reply that they do not know and
the learned will deny that it is true. But if I ask with what letters the
name Aeneas is written, all who have ever learned this will answer correctly
, in accordance with the conventional understanding men have agreed upon as
to these signs. Again, if I should ask which would cause the greatest
inconvenience in our life, if it were forgotten: reading and writing, or
these poetical fictions, who does not see what everyone would answer who had
not entirely lost his own memory? I erred, then, when as a boy I preferred
those vain studies to these more profitable ones, or rather loved the one
and hated the other. “One and one are two, two and two are four”: this was
then a truly hateful song to me. But the wooden horse full of its armed
soldiers, and the holocaust of Troy, and the spectral image of Creusa were
all a most delightful--and vain--show! | c*******u 发帖数: 640 | | J*******g 发帖数: 8775 | 3 是啊。
【在 c*******u 的大作中提到】 : 现时英文流行,神从来没变过
| J*******g 发帖数: 8775 | 4 “我不爱你,
我背弃你而趋向邪途,我在荒邪中到处听到“好啊!好啊!”的声音。人世间的友谊是
背弃你而趋于淫乱,“好啊!好啊!”的喝采声,是为了使我以不随波逐浪为可耻。对
这些我不痛哭,却去痛哭:
“狄多的香消玉陨,以剑自刎”。[27]
”
【在 J*******g 的大作中提到】 : 十三 : 我自小就憎恨读希腊文,究竟什么原因,即在今天我还是不能明白。我酷爱拉丁文,当 : 然不是启蒙老师教的,而是所谓文法先生教的拉丁文,因为学习阅读、书写、计算时所 : 读的初步拉丁文,和一切希腊文一样,在我是同样感到艰涩而厌倦。什么缘故?当然是 : 随着罪恶和渺茫的生命而来的:“我是血气,不过是一阵去而不返的风。”[24]我过去 : 和现在所以能阅读各种书籍和写出我所要写的文字都靠我早年所读的书;这些最早获得 : 的学识,比了逼我背诵的不知哪一个埃涅阿斯的流浪故事[25],当然更好、更可靠。当 : 时我为狄多的死,为她的失恋自尽[26]而流泪;而同时,这可怜的我,对那些故事使我 : 离弃你天主而死亡,却不曾流一滴泪。 : 还有比我这个不知可怜自己的可怜人,只知哭狄多的殉情而不知哭自己因不爱你天主、
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